Daisies
by toledo girl
Summary: All she had left now were the memories of what was. Last chapter is finally up.
1. Chapter 1

**I know this chapter probably doesn't make sense, but I didn't tell what was happening on purpose, you're supposed to try and figure that out as you read. The chapters after this will make more sense, I promise. And I just have to warn you, this is pretty depressing.**

Epilogue

Margaret stood on the cliff that over looked the water The surrounding seemed to fit her mood perfectly. The sky was hazed over as the water gently thrashed against the rocks. The salty air filled her nose. All she could do was stand there and stare in complete shock. The breeze blew some of her hair over her face, but she didn't care. Right now she didn't care about anything. As much as she hated for people to see her cry, she didn't care if they saw her. Nothing mattered right now. The biggest part of her life had just been taken away from her. She held up her clenched fist and tightly closed her eyes as she opened it. Laying in the palm of her hand was a small little locket. Slowly she opened her eyes to see the all to familiar item. It was the same as it had been when it had been given to her four years ago. It held so many memories that were dear to her and all it could do was remind her.

"No," she softly whimpered.

Turning her hand over, she dropped the locket onto the ground in front of her. It just hurt too much to even look at it.

"No!" she cried out as she fell down on her knees and sobbed. Covering her face, she cried out the tears of regret, sorrow, and emptiness that she was feeling. Right now she felt as if she were the most vulnerable person in the world.

She sat at her house in her bedroom as she made sure that she had everything that she was going to need. Her father had invited her to come and stay with him for a while. At the moment she knew that she couldn't take care of herself right. Sighing, she closed the suitcase and looked up. Lying on the bed in front of her was a single daisy.

"_It's beautiful!" she happily said as she took the flower. _

It was only yesterday that that daisy had been given to her. It felt as if a hundred years had passed since that was given to her. She sat down on the bed and reached over to pick it up. The petals wilted a little. She held the flower to her chest and looked down as a tear started to trickle down her cheek.

"I love you," she said.

The tear fell from her face and landed on a petal. She just watched it as it ran down the petal and hit her hand.


	2. Chapter 2

1

Alvin escorted Margaret into the house with his arm wrapped around her. She was a wreck. Her head hung low in despair. Her hair hung in her face covering the streaked make up that her tears had caused. He brought her over to the couch and sat her down.

"Is there anything that I could get for you?" he asked.

"I wouldn't know what," she said.

"Alright, just let me know if you do need anything," he said.

"Actually, I think I'll go upstairs and lay down," she said.

"Okay," he said.

Margaret went up to her room. Slowly making her way over to her suitcase, she started undressing. Taking off her pearl necklace given to her by her father when she graduated high school and set it down on the dresser in front of her. She then took her heels off and sighed as she placed them down by some flowers that had been sent to her. The one that stood out to her way the bouquet of daisies. A tear swelled in her eye as she stared down at them. Why did they have to choose daisies?

"You have to stop this," she scolded herself and then turned back towards her suitcase.

She continued to get out of her black dress. It had a squared off neckline, long sleeves, and came down to her knees. It fit her perfectly and would mostly just wear to special occasions, but today's occasion was one that she did not want to have to wear that dress. She got into sweat pants and a t-shirt. Staring at herself in the mirror, there was the want of things to be the way they were before. Now she was just sick, sick and tired. Sick and tired of hiding her feelings in public, of acting like she was okay that entire after noon. She pulled her hair back and sat down on the bed. At her feet was back pack. She picked it up and dumped it's contents out onto the bed. Among them, a small box. She picked it up and opened it up. She pulled out the small locket and looked it over as she remembered the night that it had been given to her.

_Margaret and Hawkeye sat facing each other on her cot. There was only one light lit up in the tent causing it to be very dim. _

"_I need to tell you something," Hawkeye started._

_Margaret looked to him with interest, hoping that it was the same thing that she had to say. Hoping that maybe there was a chance for them. _

"_Yes?" she asked._

_He stared at her. There was no doubt in his mind that he had feelings for her. The last thing that he would ever want to do is hurt her, but there was something more. His previous condition would make it hard for him to commit time to some one else. He had just been locked away and now he was supposed to get better. He needed time to heal._

"_Margaret," he said grabbed her hand._

_She watched him as he stared down at her hands. He had no idea how to say what he wanted._

"_I love you. With out you, I don't know how I would have made it through most of this war. You truly are the greatest woman that I have ever known," he said and then looked up._

_Margaret wiped a tear from her eye as she smiled. She knew what was coming next and she was ready to jump up and yell out the answer. Yes! Yes I will marry you! That was all that kept going through her head. _

"_I just needed you to know that. I couldn't go home and leave without you knowing that," he said._

"_I guess I should tell you that I love you too," Margaret said._

_He could see the disappointment in her face._

"_As soon as I can, I will ask you to marry me, but I can't right now," he said._

"_I can understand that," she said._

"_I didn't mean to get you excited about something and then to disappoint you," he said._

"_You didn't," she said lying through her teeth._

"_But I do have a good bye present for you," he said._

_Margaret looked over as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small black box and handed it to her._

"_Thank you," she said taking it._

_She opened it up and held it. It was a small locket. _

She just stared at it. There was nothing about that night that she would ever forget. It was all engraved into her mind. With out that night, she wouldn't be here the way that she was right now.

"I need you now more then ever and you're just not here," she said.

Her hand was clenched in a fist as she laid back. What could she do? What happened is what happened. Never again would things be the same and she absolutely hated that thought. She just rolled over onto her side and held the necklace close to her chest as she fell asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

2

Alvin sat downstairs at the table. The room was dark except for the dim light that glowed from above the sink. All he did was blankly stare down at his coffee. His daughter was upstairs feeling more pain then he would know and he had no idea how to help her. Nothing to do for her.

"Guess I better get to bed," he said to himself.

He quietly made his way up the stairs. He stopped once he got to Margaret's door. He could see the light showing through the crack and decided to check on her.

"Margaret honey?" he asked poking his head in.

Margaret looked up wiped her eyes.

"Hi daddy," she said.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"I don't know," she said.

The only thing that she had felt for a while was a numbness from the emptiness. Alvin walked over and sat down next to her. She just looked up at him. Nothing to say, nothing to do. What happened was what happened and no one could change that. They both knew it, but hated it.

"What's that?" he asked seeing the chain from her necklace that lay limply on her hand.

Margaret looked down and eyed the locket for a moment. Every time she looked at it she saw those ice blue eyes, that smile. Everything that she would never see again. Everything that she was now going to have to live with out.

"Something that Hawkeye gave me before he left," Margaret said.

"Oh," Alvin said.

The room was silent for a small while until Alvin decided to speak up.

"You know Margaret, if you want to talk," he said.

"No," she said almost snapping at him.

"Honey," Alvin said.

"I'm sorry daddy," she said wiping her eyes.

Alvin gently grabbed her shoulders.

"I know I'm not good at this, but you know you do have to get better some time," he said.

Margaret looked up at him. She knew that he was right, it was just too much to bring back at the moment. Looking back down at the locket she could remember every thing.

_Alvin walked into the waiting room and spotted Margaret sitting by the doorway on the other side. He went and sat down by her. He took her hand._

"_What happened?" he asked trying to stay calm for Margaret's sake._

_Margaret shook her head as she stared across the room._

"_I don't know," she said._

"_One minute we're having a good time and then the next," she said not able to get out the rest of the story._

"_Then what?" Alvin asked._

_Margaret turned towards him._

"_They told me that ANYBODY could slip and hit their head. Is that really true? Did I really have nothing to do with it?" she cried out._

"_Okay, come here. It's okay, come here," he said taking his daughter into his arms and trying to comfort her. _

"_It'll be okay. Things like that happen. Most times they stitch them up and give them two aspirins," he said trying to make her feel better._

"_Then why the hell are they taking so long in there?" she asked pulling herself away._

"_I don't know," he said as if he was giving up._

_Margaret sat back and closed her eyes. Everything was going wrong. All she wanted to do was go back home and forget that this day never happened. _

_The nurse came out and stood before the two and looked down._

"_Ms. Houlihan?" she asked._

"_Yes?" Margaret asked looking up._

_The nurse looked down. There didn't even need to be any words. Her face was enough. _

"_I see," Margaret said starting to cry. _

"_Excuse me," she said standing up._

_Alvin just watched as she left the room._

Margaret stared down at the locket in her hand.

"I can remember everything. I just don't care to relive it," she said.

The next morning Margaret walked down into the kitchen and sat down.

"Good morning," he said.

"Good morning," she said sounding distant.

"How's my princess this morning?" he asked.

Margaret looked up at him with surprise. It had been a long while since he had called her that. Truth be told, she didn't feel any different from last night.

"Better," she said.

He turned back and cracked a small smile at her as he checked to see how she was really feeling.

"You don't have to lie to me," he said.

Margaret just sat there and stared out the window. It was a perfect day outside. The sun was shining and there were kids out playing with the parents out in the back yards. People just being with those that they loved. She clenched her hand into a fist as she watched. Her whole life she had to be alone and when she finally wasn't, they got taken away. Nobody else around there had lost anybody. Only she had.

"Don't do that, you'll make your hand bleed."

Margaret came out of her trance and looked up.

"Sorry," she said.

He sighed as he opened her hand.

"Margaret," he said seeing the blood in the palm of her hand.

"Well maybe if you don't want me here!" she yelled standing up.

Alvin's eyes widened. He had no idea how touchy she truly was. He walked over and embraced her.

"I'm sorry," she said sobbing.

"It's okay," he said.

"All this time and I still have to stay out here," she said.

"Margaret, it's only been a few days," he said.

The doorbell rang.

"Come on. Let's go see who it is," he said.

"You go. I can't be seen like this," she said.

"But I have the feeling that it's for you," he said.

Alvin knew that Margaret was going through a rough time and figured that he should have her try and talk to some one else that she trusted. He obviously wasn't getting any where with this.

"Okay," she said and with reluctance and then followed him to the door.

"You're here," Alvin said.

Margaret gasped.

**So, what do you think is going on? And for any one who knows what I'm talking about, wish Central luck for this Friday when they go against St. John's.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Since it is the anniversary of the 9/11 just a little dedication to my friend's Aunt. She was one of the people in the twin towers during the attack.**

3

Margaret gasped. Hawkeye stood there at the door. Everything hit her all at once. His smile, those eyes. Everything that she had adored.

"Hey," Hawkeye said.

A tear fell from Margaret's face. At the same moment she was happy to see him. Happy to finally be able to be in his loving arms again. The man that she thought she would never see again was standing in front of her. At the same time she was angry at him. He wasn't there. She needed him more then ever and he wasn't there. Not four years ago, not two years ago, not a month ago, and not last week. He had abandoned her. There were times that she had thought that he was dead. He was also just a reminder to her. Of what could have been and what she once had. From the time they first talked when she had arrived at the 4077th to the last kiss that they shared right before she had left. It was all too much for her. She collapsed right there.

"Margaret!" Hawkeye snapped.

Alvin caught her.

"She's been going through a lot lately," Alvin said.

"You want me to carry her to the couch?" Hawkeye asked.

"I may be old, but I can still carry my own daughter," he said.

"Sorry," Hawkeye backing up in defeat.

Alvin picked her up.

"I was disciplined enough to not let myself go," he said.

Hawkeye just stood there not really knowing what to do now.

"That's something they teach you in the army, discipline, and you obviously have none," Alvin said and then walked into the living room.

"Nice to see you again to sir," Hawkeye said and then joined him in the living room as he laid Margaret down on the couch.

Alvin just watched her for a minute. As he did, Hawkeye stood there trying to figure out what was going on. Alvin had called him out to help Margaret. The only thing he had told him was that she needed some one to talk to and that by the way she was talking that he was the only who could get through to her. He was also told that she was very depressed. He just didn't tell him what she was depressed about.

"Mr. Houlihan, not to be nosy or anything, but why did you call me out here?" he asked.

Alvin looked up at Hawkeye. It seemed as if he were looking him over to see if he could trust him, to evaluate his character. About five years had passed since they had met. Alvin seemed to have become more caring towards Margaret. Other then that he hadn't changed at all.

"What do you mean? I told you, Margaret is very deeply depressed and you seemed to be the only one that she truly opened up to," Alvin said.

"What I mean is, could you tell me what happened?" Hawkeye asked.

"I think she ought to tell you," Alvin said and then walked out of the room.

Hawkeye could easily tell that he had hard feelings towards him. What he couldn't tell was what was going on. Every thing seemed weird. He sat down on the couch by her and stared down at her. She seemed so peaceful, it was hard to believe that that was the same Margaret that he knew back in Korea, it was very rare for her to be peaceful.

"Maybe if you wake up you could tell me what is going on around here," he said.

He wanted her to wake up, but he also enjoyed watching her sleep, even though she was unconscious, and that he could be the reason for it. All he wanted to do was to help her. The last thing that he wanted was for her to be sad.

Sighing, he looked over and saw a book on the back table. He looked around and then stood up. If there were anything to be found out, he would find it. He had to, how else was he going to help out? Once back there, he carefully opened up the book. It was a photo album.

"Oh my God," he said as he looked through the book.


	5. Chapter 5

5

It was her diary that he was looking over. There was a pang of guilt from going through her personal things, but he still had to know. All he could do was stare at the picture in his hand. It was a picture of Margaret laying in the hospital bed with a baby in her arms.

"April 2," he said reading the back of the picture.

He then looked down at the page and started to read it.

_April 10_

_I brought little Serena home today. At first I felt as if she was just going to be a burden, but after I held her I realized that I was much more attached to her then I ever thought that I would be. My father and sister were there. I told Angela over and over again that I was in no way ready for a picture, but I guess she just had to. When I first found out that I was pregnant I was scared. Nothing other then that, just scared. The only one who could help me through it wasn't there. I hated him for that. Then again, I am also at blame. Every day I tried to pick up the phone and call him, write him a letter, maybe ever just send him a picture of myself and have him figure out what was going on. That never happened. He doesn't know, and odds are are that he'll never know. Maybe it'll be better off that way._

He stared at the page. Why wouldn't she tell him? It all confused him. She can trust him, but she can't tell him about anything that was about to change her entire life.

He sat back and sighed.

"I see you found it."

Hawkeye jumped at the voice. He turned around and saw Margaret standing over him. There was no amusement to be found in her tone.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that," he said.

Margaret knew that some day he would have to find out. Figuring that this would be the easiest way, she opened the book back up.

"Go ahead. It's okay, you deserve to know why you're here," she said.

He just gave her a look of confusion. She definitely was not herself. Hesitantly, he turned and faced the book. Since he had read the first page, he turned it and found another picture. It was of Margaret holding the baby on her lap.

_April 2 _

_Serena turned one today! There weren't many people, but that's okay with me. She was just happy to get to eat cake. All it was was me, Angela, Derek, Brenda, and my father. She is the center of my life now. That's why this diary skips an entire year. I was busy with her. I was also busy with my job. I hate having to leave her with some one else. I always feel so guilty. It has also been a year. It feels like just yesterday I was trying to get ready to have her. Now she' eating solid foods, saying little words like momma and night, she can even walk. It all went by so fast, I can't believe it._

Hawkeye smiled. He was glad to hear that something in her life was a little happy. He looked over and saw another picture. It was of a little girl sitting under the Christmas tree with Margaret. The young girl was almost an exact copy of Margaret. She had everything of hers, except for her hair, which was black.

_December 20 _

_I hated it. Serena came and asked me about her father. What do I tell her? That he's just not here? That she may not ever see him? I can't tell a three year old that. She wouldn't even understand. I also don't want her to grow up thinking that her father abandoned her and to grow to hate him for it. Deep down I still love him and it would break my heart to see his own daughter hate him. I know that if he knew he would be right here right now, but I also know that he had other plans and that he wasn't ready for a baby._

He looked up at Margaret as she sat down at the table. Silent as could be. Neither of them wanted to say anything . Hawkeye wanted to find out what was going on before he spoke. There was no way that he was going to take chances and say the wrong thing. Margaret on the other hand just didn't know what to tell him. Everything was right there in front of him. Her life since she had returned home from Korea. The next picture was of the same little girl standing on top of the slide.

_July 18_

_I can't take this. Today I walked in to see my little Serena in a hospital bed. I sat down by her and kissed her. The entire time, she just stared at me. It was then that she asked me who I was. My own daughter can't remember me. She was even a little scared of me. I stayed with her the entire time that she was there. They had to end up keeping her over night. She keeps getting upset because she can't remember anything. I will never forget it. She was crying while she looked up at me and asked me what was wrong with her. _

"She had fallen off of that slide and hit her head. It took a month for her to regain any of her memory," Margaret explained.

Hawkeye turned the page and looked up at her.

"That's it," he said.

"I guess it is," she said just staring down at the book.

Hawkeye looked up and watched her with pitiful eyes as she stared. She wasn't herself. There was a distant, cold look to her eyes. There was no movement from her when he grabbed her hand. It was as if she hadn't even noticed. As if she were numb.

"Margaret?" he asked trying to get her attention.

She simply looked up at him. There was no doubt about what he was going to ask. She knew the answer. She knew all the answers to the questions that he had. She just didn't know if she was ready to tell him. Either way he would have to find out sooner or later.

"What happened next?" he asked.

Hawkeye felt her reposition her hand to grab his.

"I," she said.

It was hard for her to speak. A tear fell from her as she grabbed his hand tighter.

"You what?" he asked.

Margaret just shook her head. It was too hard for her.

"Come here," Hawkeye said.

She did as he said and went over to him. He sat her down on his lap and wrapped his arms around her middle. She rested her head in the nook of his neck. It was the first time in a while that she had felt secure.

"Please tell me," he said.

"Well, you already know about her accident on the slide," she said.

"Serena had only been home for about a month. Everything was so strange. It was like both of our lives had been turned upside down. I took as much time off of work as I could so that I could stay home with her. Well, eventually I needed to go back to work. I mean, she was better. Acting more like her old self again. The only thing that bothered me was these black outs that she would get every once in a while. They weren't happening as much as they were at first, but she was still having them. I was so nervous about her falling off of something and getting hurt that I wouldn't let her leave the room. Then I had to face that fear and go to work. The babysitter that day wasn't that good," Margaret said.

She stopped as she remembered that day. Hawkeye brought her back out of her trance as he wiped the warm tears from her face. Margaret turned her head to look up at him. Her eyes red with water rimming the them.

"I walked in. The babysitter was asleep on the couch. I went looking around for Serena," Margaret said with tears now streaming.

"I found her on the bathroom floor in a puddle of her own blood!" she yelled out.

"The covert was open so she was obviously on top of the sink! She fell and hit her head on the side of the tub! It was cracked open!" she cried out.

Hawkeye shifted her body in his arms and held her tightly.

"I called an ambulance because she was still breathing, but it was too late. She died! My three year old daughter died! I left her alone with some fucking retard and she died!" Margaret cried.

Hawkeye held her as she cried into his chest. There was nothing for him to say.

"The neighbors told me that she was a good babysitter, but I guess not," she said still sobbing into his chest.

Hawkeye sat there and tried to calm her as much as he could. Of course, there was only so much that he could do. He wasn't about to tell her that it was okay. He gently pulled her away and dried her face as well as he could.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked.

"You know that I would have been there," he said.

Margaret gave an attempt to dry her face off.

"Why do you think?" she asked.

"I don't know," he said.

"Look at those pictures again. Who does she remind you of?" Margaret asked.

"You," he said.

Margaret sighed and then picked up the picture of her and Serena under the Christmas tree.

"Look again. Look again at her blue eyes, her smile, that black hair," Margaret said.

Hawkeye took the picture and stared down at it for a moment.

"Now go look in the mirror," she said.

Hawkeye just stared up at her with disbelief.

**I know that a lot of you probably don't care, but Central beat St. John's and that's a big deal for us. I'm just really excited about that. **


	6. Chapter 6

5

Hawkeye just stared at her with disbelief. He had a daughter. A daughter that he could never get know. A daughter that would never know that he was her father. He was deeply hurt and angered, but he couldn't let Margaret know. He just had to cover it up. Maybe even go through the whole "Margaret routine" and pretend that it doesn't bother him.

"Why didn't you ever tell me?" he asked with his voice starting to get shaky.

Margaret could easily see the hurt and pain in his eyes. She grabbed his hand off her shoulder and squeezed it.

"I'm sorry," she said.

"I was scared. I mean you were in the mental hospital and afraid to even go near a child. How could I tell you that you had one?" she asked.

He just stared at her. Shaking his head he looked down.

"I have a daughter and you wait until she's dead to tell me?" he asked more harshly then he had anticipated and completely ignoring her reasoning.

Margaret pulled away a little and looked into his eyes. It's not like she wasn't expecting that, but it hurt. Now the man she loved would never trust her.

Hawkeye looked up and sighed. She was right. But he still felt betrayed. He also knew how vulnerable she was and he could never hurt her. The more that he thought about it, he was beginning to feel guilty. He got her pregnant and then left her on her own making her feel as if she couldn't even call him.

"Could you tell me about her?" he asked.

Margaret nodded. Standing up she kept hold of his hand. He followed her. They ended up walking into her room. He looked around. There was a pile of flowers in the corner which he figured were for the funeral. Another thing that caught his eye was a small teddy bear on her bed. He smiled as he went over and sat down next to it.

"Picking up Radar's habits?" he asked.

Margaret turned to look at him.

"I guess. That was Serena's. I sleep with it now," she said.

As Margaret went into her suitcase on the floor over next to the door, he sat there and held the teddy bear. It was small and had a pink bow. For some reason it made him feel empty. Like something was missing. Of course, he had also just been told that his daughter died.

"Did Serena give it a name?" he asked just staring at it.

"Actually, she named it Hawkeye," Margaret said.

Hawkeye looked up with surprise. Margaret grabbed a book out of the suitcase and then walked over to him and joined him on the bed.

"Angela had The Last of The Mohicans sitting out on her coffee table and Serena asked me to read her a little bit of it, so I did. Of course, she lost interest after I read one page, but she still liked Hawkeye," Margaret said.

Hawkeye smiled up at her. It felt like he was thanking her for something that happened by coincidence. Either way, he liked the idea.

Margaret sighed and looked down at the book. It was a photo album that she had kept. Opening it up, she ran her hand over the first page. The book was in chronological order with the first pictures being with Serena when she was an infant.

"I was over the due date when she was born so I was basically twice as nervous and then when I finally did go into labor I was over with my sister and her daughter who was only five at the time," Margaret said staring down at the page.

"I scared the poor little girl when I had my first contraction," Margaret looked up and smiled a little.

"I had been in labor a little longer then I had been aware of and when I noticed I screamed and Angela grabbed my hand," she said and laughed a little.

"Brenda was down on the ground playing with her dolls and then she looks up at me with these huge eyes just staring at me," she said.

Margaret laughed a little which made Hawkeye feel better.

"And then Angela's hand starts to bleed because my nails went into it," she said.

"And apparently Brenda doesn't handle blood too well," Margaret said.

Hawkeye enjoyed finally getting to see that smile on her face. It hurt him to see her upset like she was downstairs.

"I told you that you needed to cut your nails," he said jokingly.

"Probably gave her nightmares," Margaret said.

She sighed and looked back down at the pictures. There was nothing in those pictures that she would ever forget, yet it felt like she was being reminded of what she did have. Hawkeye looked over. He still couldn't believe that all this time he was a father. Margaret finally turned the page. The picture that caught his eye was one of Serena sitting on the ground playing with a daisy.

"She always loved daisies," Margaret said.

Margaret looked up at Hawkeye and slightly smiled.

"Like the ones that you would give to me sometimes when you would come back from Seoul," she said.

"I remember that," he said still staring at the picture.

The next one that caught his attention was one of her standing on the porch. She looked like she was dressed up for something. Her black hair had berets pulling the hair back behind the ears similar to the way that Margaret would wear hers with bangs loosely framing her face. She was wearing a pink dress that had a bow in the center with white nylons and black buckle shoes. But the thing that really caught him was the necklace she was wearing.

"Is that?" he asked pointing.

"The locket you gave me," she said and then looked up at him.

"I wanted her to have something from you so I gave it to her," she said and then focused her attention back to the pictures.

"I know that it's silly to give jewelry like that to a three year old, but I felt like I had to," she said.

He didn't think it was silly. He was actually glad that she did have something from him. For some odd reason it gave him the feeling of being remembered.

"I still keep it with me," Margaret said with her voice getting shaky as she pulled it out of her pocket.

"I keep with me, like she often did," Margaret said now starting to cry.

She stared down at it in her hand as he grabbed her shoulders.

"I miss her so much," she said.

"I know. I miss her and I didn't even know her," Hawkeye said.

Margaret wiped her eyes and looked over at Hawkeye with bitterness.

"Why did she have to die? She never did anything wrong to anybody," Margaret said crying.

He had no idea how to answer that.

"She would have been four today. She could've had the chance to meet her father. Damn it! She would have been down there celebrating and having a good time with every one!" she cried out.

Margaret looked down and closed the book and securely embraced it in her arms.

"She was all I had, and now she's gone. Gone forever and I'll never see her again," Margaret said softly as she looked up and blankly stared.

"That's not true, you still have me," he said.

"Then why the hell do I feel so damn alone?" she asked.

Hawkeye held onto her as she curled up and laid down on her side. He rubbed her shoulder as she rested her head on his leg. Margaret continued to cry as she held onto the photo album. Hawkeye looked down at her. He knew that he had to be strong for her. On the inside he felt like breaking down, but he couldn't. Instead he sat there as he was and tried to comfort her, knowing that there was no real way to make her feel better at the moment.


	7. Chapter 7

7

Hawkeye sat there with Margaret until she fell asleep. The entire time he sat there and stared at the mirror. The problem was that he didn't like what was staring back at him. It was a man who had left a woman alone with his child. His only child. Worse yet, he made her feel like she couldn't tell him. Like there was no way that she could ask him for help. It was him. Along with that, he would never see his daughter. Her breathing grew calm and he decided to let her sleep. He carefully got up and replaced his leg with a pillow and the grabbed a spare blanket at the end of the bed and covered her.

_Hawkeye followed Margaret as she stormed out of the mess tent._

"_Margaret, what's wrong?" he asked stepping out in front of her._

"_Why do you keep on trying to get into my head when there's nothing there?" she asked._

"I wish it was all that easy," he said and then walked out of the room.

He was dreading it, but he knew that it would happen sooner or later. Downstairs sat Alvin reading the newspaper. There was a tension in the air that made him nervous to even finish going down the stairs. He now knew why Alvin would have more of a reason for being upset with him. That also meant that he was going to get it. Most times he would just avoid it or he would defend himself, but now was not the time. Now was the time to suck it up and hide it for Margaret. She had been through enough, the last thing that she needed was to know that he and her father hated each other. Even though every one knew it, it would be nice just to pretend to get along.

"Hello," Alvin said.

Hawkeye paused on the staircase and stayed silent. He was getting ready to hear something, he didn't know what, but there were definitely expectations.

"You don't have to be afraid of me. I'm not going to kill you," Alvin said.

Hawkeye decided that he'd better just get down there. Alvin looked up over the paper and stared at him.

"How's she doing?" he asked/

"She's sleeping right now," Hawkeye said.

Alvin sighed and looked back down at the paper. Hawkeye just stood there in shock. He was awaiting to get yelled at, to get torn to pieces. Something other then just a simple question.

"Did you need something?" Alvin asked.

"Don't take this the wrong way sir, but I was expecting to get my head torn off," Hawkeye said.

Alvin just stared at him. There really was no expression to them, but they still intimidated Hawkeye. Warning him. Maybe even considering that very idea. There was no doubt in his mind that it had crossed Alvin's mind once or twice. Alvin hated him to begin with and now he actually had a reason.

"I think having you come out here to see what you've done to her is enough," he said.

Hawkeye had no idea how to react to that. He was guilty, but he also knew that he didn't kill any one.

"You know that's not fair," Hawkeye said.

"Yeah? What if you were with them? Margaret could have been staying home with her and you know damn well that she would have never let that happen," Alvin said.

"I didn't know," Hawkeye said.

"Maybe it's about time that you started learning the consequences of your actions," Alvin said.

Hawkeye just stared as Alvin put his paper down and headed for the kitchen. He couldn't handle this. He knew that Alvin was wrong, that it wasn't his fault, but if that was so true, then why couldn't he believe that? With his head hung low he went back up stairs. Getting to Margaret's room, he stopped at the door way and simply watched her. He didn't know why, but he felt that he had to. For some reason he had become very protective over her. Margaret got up and noticed him watching.

"Hi," she said lifting her head.

"Hi," he said sounding distant.

"I guess I fell asleep," she said sitting up.

"Yeah," Hawkeye said with his mind obviously else where.

Margaret just watched him for a second as he leaned against the frame of the door. Following his gaze, she noticed him staring at the teddy bear on the bed. Everything seemed so still. All he did was stare and it was starting to worry her.

"Hawkeye?" she asked.

He didn't respond. All he could do was stare. Alvin had definitely struck a nerve.

"Hawkeye?" Margaret asked starting to get nervous.

Hawkeye snapped out of his trance and looked up at Margaret.

"Yes?" he asked with no sign of emotion what so ever.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

No. No he wasn't. But he wasn't about to tell Margaret what happened down there. He looked up and saw Margaret sitting there with her eyes full of empathy. Would she understand how he felt right now? All he knew was that as much as he hurt at the moment, she probably felt it ten times worse. That was the only thing keeping him from loosing it.

"I'm fine," he said looking off to the side.

Margaret didn't believe him. How could this all be happening to her? She has a daughter and loves her and then she dies. Then some one comes out and is just there for her, now he's not even completely there any more.

Hawkeye walked over to the bed and sat down by Margaret. He put a loving arm around her shoulders. Much more then she had expected after seeing the way that he was staring off. With the distant look in his eyes you would think that he was cold and unfeeling. Almost numb. Margaret grabbed his hand that was resting on her shoulder and squeezed it as she leaned against him. Even with the loss of her daughter, there was something comforting with Hawkeye. He was what she needed during times like these. Just some one to be there. He was also one of the only people to truly care about her. Not like her father who needed to be proud of her for one thing. That was another thing about Serena that she loved. She never had to pretend to be something else or achieve something that she was no longer interested in to make her happy. Serena just loved her, and in many ways just wanted to be like her. For once she enjoyed being the role model, being some one that some one else looked up to. She just wished Serena had known how much that meant to her. How much she meant to her. How much more she made her life worth living. That was also the same way that Hawkeye made her feel. Like she was loved for who she was no matter what.

"You know, I would understand if you were upset about the whole situation. I should have told you the minute that I found out," Margaret said.

Hawkeye looked down. Her face was full of sorrow, her eyes full of concern. He couldn't believe that she now felt like she had to apologize. He starts to feel responsible for everything and she apologizes. Hawkeye took his hand and put some of her stray hair behind her ear. Pulling his hand back, he sat and stared at her. Wondering if this was all truly his fault. With out any warning, he threw his arms around Margaret and hugged her tightly. He wasn't sure if it was to calm his own insecurities, or if it was to apologize to her, but for what ever reason, they both sat there in each other's embrace.

"I should be the one apologizing," Hawkeye said right before pulling himself back.

"What?" Margaret asked trying to see what was really bothering him.

"About our last night together, the entire night," he said.

Margaret just watched him to see if there was anything more for him to say.

"You mean for Serena?" she asked.

"Everything," he blankly responded.

She shook her with bewilderment.

"Hawkeye, I should be thanking you for Serena. She's the best thing that ever happened to me. Besides, I was there to you know," Margaret explained.

Hawkeye looked up at her. His eyes seemed glossed over. All that kept going through his head was what Alvin had said to him. That same thing going through his head over and over again. It was like he was trying to convince himself that Alvin was actually right.

"What I meant to say was that I'm sorry for leaving you, and, and, I'm sorry for making it sound like you couldn't call me and I'm sorry that I wasn't there so that Serena could still be here," he said.

Margaret's eyes widened with complete realization when he got that last part. Now it made sense to her. She didn't like it, but it made sense.

"You can't blame yourself for her death," Margaret said.

Hawkeye just stared at her. His eyes staring to water.

"If I was there you could have taken more time off of work, until you knew that she would be okay," Hawkeye said.

She simply let out a tiny laugh.

"You can't do that. I did that same thing over and over again in my head. I could have just taken one more day off, I could have chosen another baby sitter, I could have just taken her along to work with me, I also could have moved in with Angela or my dad until she got better," Margaret sighed as she looked down.

"But as much as I hate it, what happened is what happened. She's gone now. I hate it, but she's gone," Margaret said wiping her eyes and then looked up towards Hawkeye.

"And not because either of us killed her," she said.

"That helps, but I'll still feel a little guilty," he said.

"That's okay, so will I," Margaret said.

The room was silent for a moment.

"You know, I have to get back to work in a couple of days," Margaret said.

"You think you're ready for that?" Hawkeye asked.

"I think I'm going to have to be no matter what," Margaret said.

Hawkeye looked down.

"So am I," he said.

"What do you say before we leave we go together and say goodbye to Serena," Margaret said.

Hawkeye looked up at her. The idea was kind of morbid to him, but at the same time, he knew that it would make him feel better.

"Okay," he said grabbing her hand.


	8. Chapter 8

7

Margaret and Hawkeye had planned to leave on the same day together. Margaret sat in her room and started packing. It was the night before they were leaving. All of Serena's things that she had brought were scattered out on her bed. They included her teddy bear, locket, photo album, hair ribbon, and the daisy that she had given to Margaret the day before she died. It was still somewhat alive since she had been keeping it in water, but that didn't stop the rims of the petals from turning brown. Each item held something for her. A memory. Something that she could keep alive. She just sighed as she looked over everything. There had to be a way to put it all behind her, to some how move on. The problem was that, she simply didn't want to. She didn't want to accept the death of her daughter. To be able to say that she was over it and that she was fine with it.

"You certainly changed my life. That's for sure," Margaret said.

She took another moment to stare at the contents on her bed in front of her and then noticed her diary still sitting on her dresser.

"Just wait," she told her self.

"Hello."

Margaret looked up and saw Hawkeye standing in the doorway. His eyes as worn out and tired as hers, face unshaven. There was every sign that he had been suffering like she had been. They could both see it in each other's eyes, but there was nothing that the other could do. That only made the pain worse.

"Hi. You ready to go down to the cemetery tomorrow?" she asked.

Hawkeye just looked down at her. The blonde hair that hung loosely in her face, her red puffy eyes. The way that most people would never expect to see her, but sometimes the way that he knew she felt. Along with the way that she looked, he could sense the hesitance in her voice. She wasn't ready.

"You sure that you're ready to do that?" he asked.

Margaret shook her head. She couldn't answer that until she got there.

Hawkeye sighed and joined her on the bed.

"You know, I don't think that I'm ready to either," he said trying to make her feel better.

Margaret looked up into his ice blue eyes which now seemed to be a bit glazed over.

"You know, I never did thank you I don't think," Margaret said.

"For what?" he asked.

"Hawkeye, you come out here on a whim, you put up with my father for crying out loud! You, you stayed calm with me even though I kept the hugest secret in the world from you and kept you from seeing your daughter and finally tell you about her after she dies. And through all of that, you don't get mad at me," she said.

"You had the right reasons for not telling me," he said.

He smiled down at her. Who could get mad at her right now. She looked like a little child. Sweet and innocent. Her eyes wide open as she looked up at him. That small little smile that showed that she was appreciative of him. Also the way that she was so vulnerable. He knew that he said one thing wrong, it could send her over the edge right now, and that was something that he didn't want to play with right now.

They both stared into each others eyes. Both vulnerable and in need of some one else. In need something to fill an emptiness. Simply just to be in the loving arms of some one else. Without a moment's hesitation they leaned in and kissed each other.

"Wait!" Hawkeye said quickly backing up after their kiss.

Margaret got a look of confusion in her eyes. There was also a little bit of hurt which now made Hawkeye feel guilty.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

He grabbed her shoulders and held on to her.

"Margaret, we're both just sad and lonely right now. At least that's how I feel, and I'm sure that you feel even worse then me. But that's no reason to try and get into a relationship. The last thing I want to do is hurt you right now," he said.

"What makes you so sure that I would get hurt?" she asked.

"Look what happened the last time we kissed and we were alone," he said.

Margaret just sat back staring blankly at him. Rejected. That was the only way that she could describe how she was feeling. Hawkeye grabbed her and pulled her close as he embraced her.

"Look, Margaret, I do love you, I have no problem telling you that because I really do have those feelings for you. But I don't know if I'm in a position to have a serious relationship," Hawkeye said.

He looked down at her and comfortingly stroked her hair.

"I'll be there for you when ever you need me and I would do anything for you. But I can't hurt you by giving you some false promise," he said.

Those words did mean a lot to her, but it would never fill that emptiness. Then again, after she thought about it, she figure that nothing would ever fill that emptiness.


	9. Chapter 9

8

It was a clear bright sunny day as Hawkeye and Margaret walked down the row of graves in the cemetery. Hawkeye just stared as he thought about how ironic it was for them to be doing something like this and have the weather be perfect at the same time. As if nothing had happened. He looked over to check on Margaret. She looked straight forward in s distant stare. Often like she would back in Korea when they would be called to attention. The straight, serious face, the same one that would never crack under the pressure. He knew exactly what she was doing. They were out in public in a place where nobody else was happy. He reached over and grabbed her hand.

Without any change of expression, Margaret looked over at him. His face full of sorrow. She then lowered her eyes down to their hands. She wished more then ever that she knew what was going on in his head. Why he was trying to friendly to her now. Last night she felt rejected, now she had no idea how she felt around him. She had always known that he wasn't out to hurt her. Closing her eyes to keep back tears, she nodded at him and then went back to her blank stare forward.

The entire rest of the way was silent. They still held hands, there wasn't nearly the closeness between the two as there was the night before. Now they were treating each other like china dolls. Being careful because they knew that the other was fragile and once broken didn't have much of a chance of being fixed.

"Well, here we are," Margaret said stopping before a grave.

They both stared down at it. Margaret remembering the first time she ever held Serena. The first time she called her mommy. The first steps that she took. Their first time baking a cake together. How she would smile. How she would walk, talk, think, act. Everything. How she would laugh and get excited easily. How she reminded her of Hawkeye. How much more meaningful and enjoyable she made her life.

Hawkeye stood there wondering how he could never meet this girl. There was always going to be questions, and he was sure that they would get answered. But there was nothing that could actually take the place of meeting her. He knew what she looked like and that she reminded Margaret of him. But what did he really know? He knew nothing about her. About what she liked, her habits, how she reminded her of him. Nothing. It was all a huge puzzle with missing pieces. You knew what the picture was supposed to look like, but you didn't get to see the whole thing.

Margaret knelt down before the grave and put a single daisy on the little girl's grave.

"She always loved daisies. Every chance that she got she would go over into the neighbor's yard and pick two of theirs. One for her and one for me," Margaret said.

"I guess I'm just lucky that they were okay with that," Margaret said.

Margaret just looked up and stared into the distance. Hawkeye just stared down at the grave. He was upset, but there was really nothing for him to actually miss. There was no actual connect between him and Serena. What hurt him most was not knowing. He had every chance to pick up a phone or write a letter and find out what was going on. To get to meet little Serena.

Margaret laid her hand on the grave as tear went down her cheek. Every memory that she had lead up to her seeing her Serena in the bathroom in her blood.

"_I'm home," Margaret said walking in the door._

"_Carrie?" Margaret asked noticing that the house was quiet. _

_Getting nervous, she walked around the house to try and find them._

"_Real nice," she said noticing Carrie asleep on the couch. _

_Then she decided to go upstairs and check Serena's room._

"_Serena?" she called out._

_There was no answer. Every second of silence made her more nervous. There was no one in any of the rooms, but she did notice that the bathroom door was closed._

"_Oh boy," she said imagining what the little girl could have gone through and messed up while she was gone._

"_Serena honey. You need to come out now," Margaret said knocking on the door._

"_Serena?" she asked not getting a response._

_Margaret opened the door. Her eyes wide with shock._

"_Serena!" she screamed._

_Quickly, she ran into her room and called the ambulance. Then, she went into the bathroom and sat down beside her child. She gently brushed the hair from her face revealing the calm girl. There was blood on her hand and on her clothes, but she didn't care. Right now all she cared about was Serena being okay. _

"They pronounced her dead," Margaret said.

Hawkeye looked over to see what she was doing.

"I couldn't believe it in the hospital. Three nurses told me the same exact thing. That she didn't make it," Margaret said.

Tears started pouring down her cheeks.

"She can't be dead. She was just a little girl. What young child deserves to die?" she asked.

He had often asked the same question. The problem was that there just was no answer.

"How can she be dead!?" Margaret cried out.

"Okay, okay," Hawkeye sad sitting down next to her.

He tightly wrapped his arms around her as she dropped her head into her hands.

"Alright, calm down," he said soothingly.

"Just calm down," he said.

**Just for you people who were wondering, Central Catholic did beat St. Johns, and trust me, we were all very excited. **


	10. Chapter 10

9

Hawkeye and Margaret sat in the cab together on their way to the airport. Both just staring. Neither of them really wanted to leave each other. Margaret just stared as she watched the rain hit the window. She was dreading the thought of going home to an empty house. With Serena there she had gotten so used to hearing laughing or her running through the house.

Hawkeye just looked over her shoulder. She had been doing better since he had first shown up, but he just wanted to make sure.

"Margaret," he said putting his hand on her shoulder.

She simply turned to him and raised her eyebrows.

"What do you say you come back with me?" he asked.

"Well," she said looking forward.

She didn't know what to do. It was very apparent that she had to find a way to get back to her normal life, and she didn't know if she could do that while staying with Hawkeye. On the other hand, she wouldn't have to go back to that empty house of hers.

"Please," he said with his eyes begging.

"I don't know," she said.

Hawkeye sighed with disappointment. He wanted her to come home with him, although it was kind of embarrassing for him since he still lived with his father, but right now that didn't really matter to him. All that did matter was that he had Margaret by him.

"Okay," he said and then turned back to his window.

Now he had an idea of what Margaret felt like the other night when he had turned her down. Rejected, and he hated it.

They were silent until they got to the airport. Once they did get there, Hawkeye helped Margaret with her bags and carried them inside for her. They got to the counter to check in her luggage.

"Now's your final chance, are you sure that you don't want to come back home with me?" he asked.

Margaret slowly turned and looked up into his eyes. Everything they had been through together, every lonely night they had spent together in fear or sadness. They reminded her of all of that. About how comforting it was to be in his arms and how he knew what was wrong and how to make her feel better.

"I want to go with you," she said.

His face softly lit up as he embraced her.

"Thank you," he said.

Margaret just closed her eyes as she softly smiled. There was no way for her to put how she felt into words. It was as if the empty spot had been filled a little. Not completely, but she figured that that would be impossible to do. Serena was her daughter, how could she fill that space? Besides, it was a lot better then going back to her empty house where she could only be reminded of everything. Even the blood stain was still on the rug in the bathroom.

They gathered their things and got onto the plane together. It was only an hour into the flight when he noticed Margaret asleep in the seat next to him. He had had his arm around her. He hadn't noticed earlier because he was busy thinking about how he could be a father and not know it. How he couldn't be a part of her life. How the woman next to him could still be thankful to him. It was now dreadful to think of even separating from her.

He looked down at the blonde hair that now covered his shoulder. Without disturbing her, he wiped the hair out of her face. She looked so peaceful. She even looked as if she were smiling a bit. Ever since he had known her, he enjoyed to watch her sleep. While she was awake you would never think of her to be calm and peaceful, and the only time that he could ever see that was when she was asleep. Especially at the beginning of the war. Back then he would have never imagined seeing her like this over a child that she had with him.

"I love you," he said softly.

She stirred a little and then slightly picked her head up.

"Hey," she groggily said.

Margaret sat up and brushed her hair back with her hand.

"How long did I sleep?" she asked.

"I don't know, about thirty minutes I guess," he said.

He seemed to be distant. Like his mind was absent.

"Is there something wrong?" she asked.

He looked over at her. She looked as if she felt guilty or ashamed

"Do you know why I asked you to come and stay with me?" he asked.

"You wanted me to?" she asked now getting confused.

Hawkeye just watched her. Trying to figure out what she was thinking he gave her a quick smile.

"Because the first time I left you, it just, it just wasn't right. I mean you have a daughter and I have no idea that this little girl of mine even exists. You had your own problems, but still thought that I wasn't ready for it. Maybe I wasn't, but we don't know. Either way, both our lives would have been better if we wouldn't have left each other in the first place," he said.

Margaret grabbed his hand and squeezed it. He was right, neither of them would really be feeling this way right now if they would have stayed together. Serena might even still be alive if they had gotten married because she would have been able to stay home with her. It was too late to be figuring out which choices would have had the best outcomes, but it wasn't too late to late to learn from their mistakes.

"I can honestly say that I love you," he said.

"I love you to," she said.

"Margaret, would you marry me?" he asked.

Margaret sat back with her eyes wide open in surprise.


	11. Chapter 11

10

Margaret looked over at Hawkeye. She had no idea how she truly felt about that question. She was lonely, and she wasn't going to deny that. The real question was, could he handle that? Could he stay by her side and know that no matter how often he is with her, she will still be lonely? That he could never fill that spot? Right now she was feeling as if she would never get over Serena. She knew that she needed some one, she just didn't know if she could really put some one through that, especially Hawkeye. There was also a fear. She had no clue what she was afraid of, but she was.

"I don't know," she said not able to actually look him in the eyes.

Hawkeye looked down. All she took this chance to study his expression. He was almost emotionless. He did look a bit hurt, but she could tell that he was trying as hard as he could to hide it.

"I just don't know if I'm ready right now," she said turning to face him.

Hawkeye just continued to stare. He had this hope that she would say yes. It was like he had become so vain in the last two minutes that he actually convinced himself that there was no way for her to say no to him, but without that sudden feeling, he could have never had brought himself to be able to ask her. At least now he wouldn't have to go back and think about what could have been. Ever since they had left each other's arms in Korea he had been asking himself that question. What could have become of them? Now the biggest question is would he have been a good father, and would Serena still be alive. It's not really something that he thought about too often until now, but every decision that you make can completely change the course of your future. If one of them had said no on their last night together, Serena wouldn't have even existed. If he would have proposed to her before they left they might have been married right now and he could have met Serena. If she would have told him about her before she died he would have helped out with her. The biggest one of all, he was there he could have let Margaret stay home with her longer. That thought was always going to be stuck in the back of his head.

"I'm sorry," Margaret said noticing that he was upset.

Hawkeye looked up at her. His hair still hanging in his saddened eyes.

"Don't be, you know that I would never pull you into something that you're not ready for," he said.

Margaret shifted her eyes from him down towards the ground. As she did, she slowly took her arm closest to the back of her chair and moved it up towards her chest where she tightly held onto the locket. A tear softly shimmered as it dripped down off her eye lashes and ran down her cheek. Hawkeye turned himself to face her. Taking his hand, he gently cupped her face and wiped the tear off with his thumb. Margaret took his hand in hers and held it for a second. She then let go and placed her hand on his cheek. There was nothing but silence as the two stared into each other's eyes. Then slowly, she leaned over the arm of the chair and kissed him. He wrapped his arms around her and returned the kiss.

The sun was setting as the cab pulled up to the Pierce house. First he got out and paid then fare. He then opened the door for Margaret who was trying to get her make up redone.

"You look great," he said offering his hand.

Margaret looked up from her compact. She felt the complete opposite, but smiled anyways and took his hand. As she got out she stared at Hawkeye. Half of his face was covered with the orange glow given off by the sun leaving the other half in shadow. His expression now seemed softer like he was a little happy. She couldn't figure out why, but that made her feel a little bit better.

"Here, you wait here and I'll take the luggage up to the porch and then I'll come and get you," he said.

"Okay," Margaret said.

She watched him grab the bags out of the trunk and start to carry them.

"Do you need any help?" she asked.

"No," he said.

She stood there and watched him carry the rest of the stuff up to the porch. Even though there was nothing to worry about, she was nervous. Here she was coming in and changing every one's life. How could this man possibly be glad that he met her, let alone be with his son. She was also pretty sure that Hawkeye had written him letters that said things about her love life over in Korea, not that it was really love, but more of a of 'you're here, you fit the standards and I'm lonely' type of deal.

"You ready?" Hawkeye asked.

Margaret looked up, almost startled, she nodded. Hawkeye put his arm around her shoulder and walked her to the porch. Margaret closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

"Are you really nervous?" he asked.

"Yes," she said.

Hawkeye didn't want to knock on the door until he knew that Margaret was ready.

"Why?" he asked.

"I don't know," she said.

Hawkeye pulled her closer to him.

"Hey, don't worry. He'll like you. I promise. Besides, if he doesn't, I'll still like you," Hawkeye said.

"Okay," Margaret said sounding a little more sure of herself.

He knocked on the door and waited. She just stared off towards the sunset. It calmed her, that was, until she heard the door open. Standing there was a man who resembled Hawkeye, except for his eyes which were very dark.

"Hey Ben, nice to see you back," he said smiling as he put his hand on his son's shoulder.

"Nice to be back," Hawkeye said.

"And who is this?" Daniel asked looking towards Margaret.

"Dad, this is Margaret, the woman that I went to go visit," Hawkeye said and then smiled over at Margaret.

Daniel knew very little about why Hawkeye went to go see her. All that he really did know was that it was some one that be cared about and that it was sudden. Other then that, it was all a mystery to him. He just happy to see that Hawkeye decided to bring her back. Ever since Hawkeye had come home, it seemed like a part of him was missing or something. He remembered him bringing BJ and Trapper out with their families and go and see the Potters. Every time he would see them, their families, there was this longing in his eyes. Some kind of jealousy that he had towards them.

_Daniel stood in the doorway in the kitchen leading out to the living room. It was late in the night as he watched Hawkeye and Trapper out in the living room on the couch, each with a drink in their hand._

"_So I guess this is your last night here," Hawkeye said._

"_Yeah, but we'll be back out in a little bit," Trapper said. _

_Hawkeye sighed as he looked back down at his drink. Everything was different between them now. Sure, they could still have a good time, and did. They went to Hawkeye's old rival from before he left and hosed down his car so that his entire car would be frozen in the morning, they went out drinking and pulled a few more pranks on the people who needed a lesson to be taught to them. It was almost like old times. The only problem was, they had both changed. Trapper now was more attached to his family. Being with his daughters meant everything and he stopped cheating on his wife. Hawkeye didn't have that same streak of evilness that he used to have. That loss of guilt where he didn't care if he embarrassed some one or ruined their day. Now he did. He cared and he didn't know why. _

"_I wish you didn't have to go so soon. I'm starting to get bored here," Hawkeye said._

"_Ah, you'll get over that. That's the way I was when I got back home to. It's normal," Trapper said. _

"_And now I'm busy as hell and wish for those few days when I was bored," Trapper said. _

_Hawkeye looked over at him. He knew that he was going to start talking about his family life now. _

"_I wish I was busy. That way I wouldn't be so bored," Hawkeye said._

_Trapper looked over with sympathetic eyes._

"_Hey, don't forget, you'll have to come over to my place in about six months here," Trapper said._

_Hawkeye looked up and smiled._

"_I guess so," Hawkeye said._

"_You know how worn out you're going to be for the next few years?" Hawkeye asked._

"_I know, Becky is doing great in school and wants to compete against the students at other schools. Kathy has started dance lessons. They have both gotten into art. Then there's the baby which we have to get ready for," he said._

_Hawkeye just sat back and blankly stared. As hard as it was for him to admit, he needed that. He needed some one to depend on him, he needed to get married, to have kids. He needed to start over. Not come back home and pick up where you left off and expect everything to be the same. _

"_Do you remember hotlips?" Hawkeye asked._

_Trapper was surprised with his question._

"_Who doesn't?" Trapper asked devilishly grinning._

"_Did you know that she had gotten married after you left?" Hawkeye asked._

"_Yeah, you sent me a picture of what you and BJ did to the groom," Trapper said._

"_Did you know that she had gotten divorced?" Hawkeye asked._

"_No," Trapper said confused as he was trying to figure out where this was going._

"_She did," Hawkeye said. _

"_Are you saying what I think you're saying?" Trapper asked smirking._

_Hawkeye looked up at him._

"_You know, I don't know. What I do know is that we were pretty close by the time that the war was over," Hawkeye said._

_His smile quickly faded._

"_But, there is one thing I regret. After all that time we spent together, and after everything we've been through together. That last night together, we left each other. We left each other, because I let her leave. I had every chance to ask her to marry me or to at least come home with me, but I chickened out," Hawkeye said._

"_I think you should give her a call," Trapper said._

_Hawkeye looked up and stared straight forward._

"_I don't know if that's possible," he said._

"_Daniel Pierce," he said introducing himself and extending his hand._

"_Margaret Houlihan," Margaret said doing the same._

_Daniel's face lit up. He knew that name very well._

"_You're the one that I used to hear a lot about. Boy Ben really does like you," Daniel said._

_Hawkeye's face turned red and made Margaret laugh._

"_Maybe," she said._

_She had still been thinking about Hawkeye's proposal. All she was able to do on the ride there was think about the pros and cons of marrying Hawkeye. So far she hadn't thought of any cons yet. That itself was a good thing. That she could not think about anything bad happening was sign that she felt comfortable with him. That there would definitely be no doubts around the time of the wedding._

"_And maybe I like you to," Margaret said looking down waiting for a reaction,_

"_Really?" Hawkeye asked._

"_Yeah," Margaret said looking up._

"_Maybe enough to change my mind and say yes," Margaret said._

_Hawkeye's face lit up and went over and kissed her. Daniel just watched as he figured out what was going on. It wasn't that hard to see that they were getting married. He could even see it in the way that she had been talking. _

"_Dad," Hawkeye said puling himself apart from Margaret._

"_Yes?" Daniel asked getting ready to sound surprised._

"_Meet your new daughter in law," Hawkeye said pointing towards Margaret._

_Daniel smiled and then hugged Margaret._

"_I'm glad that he finally decided to settle down," Daniel said and then pulled away._

"_You must be some special woman," he said._

_Those words, though very few, meant every thing to Margaret. Now she knew that she was going to be okay with Mr. Pierce. He obviously liked her and she didn't see any reason that she would dislike him. The only thing that might cause a problem was going to be telling him the reason why Hawkeye had come out to see her. _

"_Why don't you two go get ready for dinner?" Daniel asked._

"_Alright, we'll be down in a little bit," Hawkeye said._

"_Hey, you need some one to help you with those bags?" Daniel asked._

"_No I'm fine," Hawkeye said and then led Margaret up to her room as he carried her luggage. _


	12. Chapter 12

12

Hawkeye and Margaret sat upstairs in his room. Margaret was getting to go down to dinner. Standing in front of the mirror she was wondering she should really tell Daniel why Hawkeye had come out to see her. She did feel that he had a right to know. Why not? That was his grandchild.

Hawkeye just sat on the bed as he watched her brush her hair. He was just happy that she had agreed to marry him. He also glad that he had finally gotten up the courage to ask her, unlike last time when he had chickened out.

"You almost ready?" he asked.

Margaret put the brush back down on the dresser. The answer was plain and simple. No. No she wasn't ready to go down there and act like nothing happened when Hawkeye went down there to see her. No she wasn't ready to answer a lot of questions that just led up to what happened to Serena. She was getting better and there was no way that she would pull herself back into that.

"I guess," she said looking down at the brush.

Hawkeye tilted his head to the side to see her face in the mirror. All he could see was the loose hairs that now hung over her face. They glimmered in the sun light that was now pouring through the window and flooding the entire room with an orange and yellow glow. With her hands hanging limply down at her sides, she grabbed hold of the sleeves from her sweater that came down and loosely covered the palms of her hands. She lifted her head and softly smiled as she raised her hands and held them up to right below her chin while still holding onto the sleeves. She then turned around to face him.

"You sure?" Hawkeye asked.

Margaret smiled as she nodded.

"Yes, I'm sure," she said.

Hawkeye smiled as he got up. With his body covered in the same glow, he walked over to her. There was a look of sorrow in his eyes. As if he had seen the hesitance in hers. He grabbed her shoulders and gently kissed her. She let go of her sleeves and wrapped her arms around his neck. Once they finally pulled apart, he swept the hair from her face revealing that soft little smile.

"Let's go," he said and then took her hand.

He led her out into the hallway and down to the kitchen. There was the smell of roast beef as they entered the kitchen. Hawkeye pulled the chair out for Margaret and then sat down next to her. Daniel came over with the food and started serving them. They each thanked him and then waited until he sat down to join them. Only, when he did, they weren't expecting the awkward silence that had followed. Daniel, who was tired of it, looked up from his plate and smiled over at Margaret.

"So, how do like the food?" he asked.

Margaret looked up from her plate and smiled at him.

"I like it, thank you," she said.

There was another silence there for a minute.

"So, why did you have Ben come out to see you?" Daniel asked.

Margaret looked up. She knew where this was going and dreaded it. As much as she hated it, it had to be done. She had to tell him about Serena. Sooner or later he would find out anyways, and she didn't want him finding out from some one else and then getting mad at her.

"Well, I needed some cheering up. Some one very close to me had just died," Margaret said.

"Oh," Daniel said realizing that he had just stuck his nose where it didn't belong.

"I'm sorry," he said.

At first he had just thought it was that she had missed his son or something simple like that. Margaret had her hand down on her lap, but soon enough, felt Hawkeye grab it.

"It's okay, actually, it's probably something that you should know," Margaret said.

She could feel a lump in her throat as she tried to steady her voice. The tears started to swell up in her eyes when she looked directly at him.

"The person who died was my daughter. The reason that Hawkeye came to visit was because, well, because, because that was his daughter to," Margaret said.

Daniel blankly stared across the table. There were no thoughts running through his head because he didn't know what to think at that moment. He was just told that he actually had a grandchild, but they died. How was he supposed to take that? He was mad, but he couldn't be mad at Margaret. He saw that way that Hawkeye was when he first came home. He couldn't blame her for not telling him then. He also couldn't get mad at her because she was the one who had been there and lost her daughter, not him. He didn't even know that this person existed. Of course he'll be sorry and wished that he had met her, but, it wasn't really truly going to change his life. Hawkeye's, yes, but only because he was a father at one time. He missed out on his chance to see his kid grow up, but Daniel got that chance with Hawkeye. He also knew that he wouldn't get to see the little one too often. He was busy with work during the normal hours.

"What was her name?" Daniel asked still in shock.

"Serena. Serena Danielle Houlihan," she said.

Daniel smiled at the idea of his name being used, he just didn't like the way that he had found out about it.

"I never meant to hurt you," Margaret said.

"It's fine, you didn't," Daniel said and then went back to his food.

Daniel sat back and stared at the two with pity. He did have questions about Serena, but he figured that if she wanted him to know, that she would tell him. It was obvious that she was upset and he didn't want to make it worse for her.

"If you're interested, I have some photo albums," Margaret said.

"How about tomorrow?" Daniel asked.

Margaret gave him a soft smile. Even though Serena was dead, she still liked it when others gave her some sort of acknowledgement.

The next day they did as planned. It was after dinner and Margaret got out the photo album that she had. Setting it down on the table in front of every one, she looked over to see what each of them was doing. On the one side of her sat Hawkeye who seemed to just be staring at the book. Like he was waiting for something to happen, or in disbelief. On the other side sat Daniel who had the same expression as Hawkeye. She could see that same look on the little's girl's face as she walked into the hospital room shortly after her accident.

"Here it is," Margaret said opening the book.

After she had opened it, she let Daniel have it. He was the one who hadn't seen any pictures of her yet. All he did was stare at each one with his face looking as if he had just been kicked in the stomach. There was a longing in his eyes. Once he finally got to the end, he closed the book and handed it to Margaret.

"Thank you," he said.

Margaret took the book and rubbed her hand over it.

"I guess some things are too good to be true," she said to herself and then took the book back up stairs.

Walking into the dark room, she just stood at the foot of the bed for a minute and stared out the window as the rain drops hit against it. She just stood there in a daze watching it. Suddenly, there was a streak of lightning and then a loud clap of thunder that caused Margaret to jump and start to fall back.

"Don't worry, I've got you," Hawkeye said as he grabbed her shoulders.

Margaret slowly turned her head to his face, full of concern, looking down at her. He knew that she didn't like loud noises and thought he should be with her.

"Why are you here?" she asked.

"Well, it all started over in that room across the hallway over there," Hawkeye said turning and pointing towards Daniel's room.

Margaret chuckled at his joke.

"See? It worked. You just need the more sophisticated jokes," he said smiling down at her.

Hawkeye knew that she needed to be cheered up before she started thinking about Serena again. There was no doubt that she had been thinking about her the entire time, but this was different. She was looking back on things that had happened.

Margaret turned back towards the bed.

"Disgusting maybe, but not sophisticated," she said walking to the bed.

Margaret set the book down and smiled as she looked it over. Hawkeye came up behind her and picked the book up as he looked it over.

"Just be thankful that you did get to have her around for the time that you did," Hawkeye said.

"I'm more thankful then you would ever know," Margaret said.

Another clap of thunder came. It sounded closer then last time and this time made the house shake a little. Margaret sat on the bed starting to get nervous as she held on to the bed sheet. Hawkeye walked over and put his arm around her as he sat down next to her.

"It's just thunder," he said.

"_Mommy!" the little girl screamed from her bed as the storm got worse._

_Margaret, who was scared herself, rushed into the bedroom to see Serena sitting up and crying as she tightly hugged her teddy bear._

"_It's okay. Mommy's here," Margaret said walking over to the bed._

"_I don't like the loud noises Mommy," the tear stricken child said._

"_I know. I don't either," Margaret said sitting down on the bed._

_Serena scooted over to give Margaret room and then loosened her grip on the bear._

"_Hawkeye doesn't like the noises either," Serena said._

_Margaret sighed as she remembered the Hawkeye that got her through the night when they were in the cave together and then went back alone to go operate. How he was enough to get her through the shelling. _

_Before another word could be spoken there was another streak of lightning that illuminated the room, then soon enough, the thunder came. Serena yelled as she wrapped her arms tightly around Margaret's waist. Margaret put her arm around the little girl's shoulders and tried to calm her down. _

"I'm probably one of the only parents that never told their children that because they were too busy being just as scared as they were," Margaret said.

Hawkeye just looked over at her with interest.

"You know, you don't have to be scared," he said.

"I know that. I just am," Margaret said looking down at the ground.

"I won't let that thunder hurt you in here," Hawkeye said with mock heroism.

Margaret sighed as she stared forward.

"This is the safest I've felt during a storm than I have in a long time," she said.

"I love having some one to keep safe," Hawkeye said.

They looked each other straight into their eye's. The lightning illuminated the room. The bright flash of light was followed by the ominous sound of the thunder. But this time, she didn't care. It just didn't bother her. Slowly, they leaned in and kissed. They wrapped their arms around each other and then pulled apart to take another look. As if they were making sure of what they were doing and then kissed again. That kiss lead to another kiss which lead to another kiss until eventually they laid back on the bed.


	13. Chapter 13

-112

About a month had passed since they had moved together to live with Daniel. Since they were getting married, Margaret had decided to sell her house and just stay with Hawkeye. They had been planning their wedding which was going to be the following weekend. Father Mulcahy had agreed to do the wedding for them, which was going to be done in the back yard. Most of their friends were going to be there. They were sitting on the couch in the living room going over guest list.

"Are the Hunnicutts going to make it?" Hawkeye asked.

"Yes," Margaret said looking down at a list that she made.

Margaret made sure that there had been a check by his name and then looked back up at Hawkeye.

"Okay, what about the McIntyres?" he asked.

"Yes," she said doing the same as she had done before.

"Hawkeye?" she asked looking up.

"Yes?" he asked.

"I think that it is safe to say that every one is coming," she said rather irritated.

"Okay," Hawkeye said.

Hawkeye looked at Margaret and waited for an explanation. As he did he could see the hurt in her face. Come to think about it, she had been fidgety all morning. That was something that he had expected of himself, but she usually enjoyed this. He knew that it couldn't be about the guest list. It was him who had made sure that every one was coming.

"Something wrong?" he asked.

Margaret's eyes widened in realization of what she had just done.

"No. No, of course not. Now let's get back to the guest list," she said.

Hawkeye looked at her with hesitance.

"Maybe we should take a short break and come back to it later," Hawkeye suggested.

Margaret just looked up.

"Okay," she said.

Hawkeye took the list from her and looked it over. Every one was coming. Even her father was going to be there. How could that upset her? He then set it down on the table. Once he looked up, he had noticed that Margaret was gone.

"Margaret?" he asked.

Margaret was up stairs standing in the bathroom with the door shut. She leaned against the wall as she stared straight ahead at the mirror in front of her. Staring at the person who stood before her. Arms crossed, blank expression, it was all the same. The same person that never took anything from any one, the same person who thought that the army was the only reason to live. That same person with tears slowly falling from their eyes. That same person not knowing what to do any more. That same scared, confused person that could easily be hurt by those around her.

"Oh God," she said as she covered her face with her hand and looked down.

"I can't do this," she said crying into her hand.

She allowed her body to slowly slide down along the wall and eventually sit on the floor. All she could do was stare in disbelief of what was happening.

"Margaret?"

Margaret looked up towards the door and wiped her eyes.

"Yes?" she asked as she tried her hardest to keep her voice steady.

Hawkeye poked his head in. It broke his heart to her the way she was. He knew that she was going through a rough time, but she had been better. Last week she had been herself. Why would she suddenly go backwards? He cautiously went over to her and sat down beside her.

"Hey," he softly greeted while lifting her chin up so that he could have eye contact with her.

She just stared up at him. His face was full of concern, a rarity for her to actually see from some one when it came to her. His face was starting to show hurt. With out a second thought, she threw her arms around him. He sat there and rubbed her back as she sobbed into his shoulder. After a few minutes, Margaret lifted her head up and rested her chin on his shoulder.

"I love you," she said trying to steady her voice as well as she could.

"I love you to," Hawkeye responded.

"And Hawkeye," she said.

"Yes?" he asked.

"I would never do anything to hurt you. I just hope that you know that," she said.

Hawkeye just stared with confusion. What was she planning on doing? Skipping out on the wedding? He wanted so badly to ask her what she had meant by that. The only thing keeping him from doing just that was the fact that so was breaking down right in his arms. The last thing he wanted to do was to make her feel like he was turning her away.

"I know," he said.

**I'm so happy!! (I know that's very hard to tell with the kinds of stories I write, but it is possible) Central has Monday off! And they have the FRESHMEN to thank for that J **


	14. Chapter 14

13

Early May and everything was set up in the back yard for the wedding. Every thing seemed to be going perfectly. The sky was clear, it wasn't too hot or too cool, but just right. Standing out there in the back yard were all the guests. Mainly their families and the people that they had worked with in Korea, but they were close enough to also be considered family.

Hawkeye nervously sat on one of the seats in the front. He was nervous. This was a big step for him, but it was also to the woman that he loved. That was the only thing that kept him going through this. The fact that he had no doubts about them. The only thing that did worry him was whether or not Margaret had doubts. The other day in the bathroom had him thinking that she might change her mind and not go through with the wedding.

Margaret sat upstairs with Angela while the other brides maids were getting ready in the room across the hall. She sat there staring emotionlessly at her reflection in the mirror. She was truly happy about today and about getting married to the man that she truly loved. But at the same time she was also nervous.

"There you go. You look beautiful," Angela said.

She had just finished her hair for her. Half of it was pulled back and loosely sat up on the top as a place to put the veil onto. The rest of her hair was in loose curls that covered her shoulders. Her dress was plain white and sleeveless. The top was a silk material that went down to about the waist line and then filled out.

"Something wrong sissy?" Angela asked.

Margaret sighed and turned around to look at Angela.

"You know what I've been through the last year," Margaret said.

"Yeah," Angela said sitting down on the edge of the bed.

"And you know now, that I'm probably not going to be the same person that I was before," Margaret said.

"That's understandable," Angela said.

"Do you think that Hawkeye can handle that?" Margaret asked looking up at Angela.

Angela just watched her for a minute as she glance down at the floor and then back up at her.

"I mean, first off, I kept a huge secret from him. I'm surprised that he can even trust me! Then every time we visit that grave I'm sure that I'll cry. And I'm sure that I'll have nightmares every once in a while. I just wonder if he's strong enough to put up with that," Margaret said.

Angela smiled as she went over to Margaret. Standing before her, she took her hands.

"Now Margaret, I don't know him too well. But from what I have seen the last couple of days I can tell that he loves you. If you truly love some one, you'll put up with a lot from them. Not because you have to or just to keep from getting in a fight, but because you want to be with them. Like I said, I don't know him, but I'm sure you could put him through hell and he'll still love you. Besides, you kept his daughter from him and never allowed him the chance to even meet her, and he's still by your side," Angela said.

"I hope you're right," Margaret said smiling up at her.

There was a knock at the door.

"Yes?" Angela asked.

"Are you ready?" the familiar voice asked.

Angela looked down at Margaret.

"Yes daddy," Margaret said standing up.

Alvin walked in and smiled at the sight of his oldest daughter.

"You look beautiful," he said.

"Thank you," she said with tears swelling up in her eyes.

"Now I've seen enough tears as it is," he said teasing her.

Margaret laughed.

"I know," she said dapping her eyes being careful not to smear her make up.

Alvin sighed and then looked down at his watch.

"Well, everybody's waiting for you," he said.

"Just let me get her veil on for her and then we can get down there," Angela said.

"Actually, do you think that you could wait out in the hall for a second? There's something that I need to tell Angela," Margaret said.

"Okay," Alvin said.

Margaret turned to watch Alvin as he left the room.

"Angela," she said looking down.

"Yes?" she asked.

"I have something that I need to talk to you about," Margaret said as she looked up at her with worry.

Hawkeye stood at the front with Father Mulcahy. Off to his side were BJ, Tony, Trapper, and Klinger. All of his thoughts were now centered around Margaret walking down the aisle, finally being his wife, getting the chance to see what had missed out on. He turned back and saw his father sitting in the front row. He gave him a reassuring smile. On the others side was a seat reserved for her father and then the Potters.

The brides maids started down the aisle and then before he knew it, Alvin came down the aisle with Margaret. Once she finally got to end he took her from her father's hands. They stood facing each other. They got through most of the ceremony like that.

"Now for the vows," the father announced.

Hawkeye smiled and then turned to Margaret. He grabbed her hands as he stared into her eyes.

"Most men take the time to write these down and then read then during the wedding. Well, I later found that it would be more meaningful just to tell you what I felt during the wedding. I also can't read my own writing," he said.

Margaret rolled her eyes.

"But really," he said taking his hand and stroking the side of her face.

"I have never felt this way about a woman before. You know what I was like, empty acts of love that I would try to escape from the very next morning. I don't want that with you. I want more then that. No matter what happens, I'll love you. No matter what you do, I'll love you. Maybe you have gone through some rough times, but that doesn't mean that you're alone. I'll always be there for you," he said.

Margaret's eyes started to water.

"Now matter what you need, I'm there. If you're cold I'll give you my coat. Tired, I'll give you some place to rest. If you're happy I'll celebrate with you and if you're sad I'll be your shoulder to cry on," he said.

That was all that she needed to hear. She wrapped her arms around him and embraced him.

"Thank you," she whispered into his ear.

Letting go, she stepped back and smiled.

"I was once told that if you truly loved some one that you would stay with them no matter what they do," Margaret said and then glanced over at Angela.

"I just want you to know that I'll be there for what ever you need me for to. I also want you to know that that was the sweetest thing that any one has ever told me," she said starting to cry.

Father Mulcahy waited until they were ready to continue.

"Now, do you, Benjamin Franklin Pierce, take Margaret Louise Houlihan to be your lawful wedded wife? To have and to hold? For richer or for poorer? In sickness and in health? Until death do you part? Say I do," the Father said.

"I do," Hawkeye said.

"And, do you, Margaret Louise Houlihan, take Benjamin Franklin Pierce to be your lawful wedded husband? To have and to hold? For richer or for poorer? In sickness and in health? Until death do you part? Say I do," the Father said.

"I do," she said.

"I now pronounce you, man and wife. You may now kiss the bride," he announced.

They cheered as the two kissed. During the reception, many people came up to congratulate them. The only thing that upset Margaret was that her father had to leave early. Right before he left he pulled Hawkeye aside.

"Now, I want you to take care of my little girl," he said.

"I will sir," Hawkeye said.

"I'm sure that you will. I'll be keeping an eye on you," he said.

"Good to know," Hawkeye said.

Margaret walked over and stood beside Hawkeye.

"Bye sweetheart. I'll call you tomorrow," Alvin said.

The two hugged and then he left.

Hawkeye stood there with Margaret for a second and watched as he left.

"What was that all about?" Margaret asked.

"Oh, just your normal threat from bride's father to groom," Hawkeye said and then walked back over to and started talking to Trapper.

Margaret rolled her eyes. How could she not see that coming?

"Hey Margaret."

Margaret turned and saw BJ with his two daughters.

"Hey!" she said and then the two hugged.

"Long time no see," BJ said.

"Yeah," Margaret said.

"How have you been?" she asked.

"Great," he said.

"These are my daughters, Erin, the one you always heard about every time mail came and this here is little Cassie," he said.

Margaret smiled down at the two little girls.

"Hi," Erin said.

"Hello," Margaret said.

"Your daddy told me a lot about you," Margaret said.

Erin just laughed. Margaret then looked over at Cassie who was hiding behind BJ's leg.

"Hi," she said softly as she knelt down.

The little girl looked exactly like her sister. Big brown eyes, short black hair, and a face that any one would have a hard time saying no to.

"Go on and say hi Cassie," BJ said.

Cassie took her hand from behind her back and handed Margaret a daisy. Margaret just stared down at the daisy. She didn't know why, the simple little act reminded her so much of her daughter.

"Thank you," Margaret said.

"You might want to apologize to your neighbors," BJ said.

Margaret looked up at him.

"Don't worry about it, I don't think that they even noticed," she said.

Margaret stood up.

"Well, just coming by to say congratulations. We have to get going now," BJ said.

"Thank you," Margaret said.

"Hey, I knew that some day you two would end up together," BJ said.

Margaret smiled at him. Once he left she stood there and sadly stared down at the daisy. Taking her hand, she rubbed her fingertips across the petals.

"You certainly won't even be forgotten," Margaret said.

"What was that?"

Margaret quickly turned around.

"Oh, hello Colonel," she said.

He just laughed.

"It's just Sherman now," he said.

"And I'm Mildred," the lady with him said.

"Margaret," she said.

"We both wanted to congratulate you," he said.

"Thank you," Margaret said.

"And compliment you on the beautiful wedding," Mildred said.

"It was just in the back yard," Margaret said.

"But you still fixed it up very nicely," she said.

"Thank you," Margaret said.

Sherman could easily tell that some one was wrong with Margaret.

"Uh, Mildred? Do you mind if I have a minute alone with Margaret?" he asked.

"Okay, I'll go find the groom," she said.

Margaret stood there with her arms crossed as she stared down at the ground. She knew exactly what was coming next.

"Is there something bothering you?" he asked.

Margaret just shook her head.

"Are you sure? You look awful down in the dumps for some one who was just happily married," he said.

Margaret looked up at him. There was a true readiness to listen in his eyes. She uncrossed her arms and held up the daisy.

"Cassie Hunnicutt gave this to me," she said.

He just stared at her and waited for her to tell him more.

"Just like Serena always would," Margaret said close to tears.

He gave her a look of confusion, but at the same time seemed as if he were piecing it together in his head.

"Serena's my daughter," Margaret said awaiting his reaction to what she had just told him.

"You have a daughter?" he asked.

"Well," Margaret said looking down.

"I did," she said.

"Oh God," he said and then put his hand on her shoulder.

"How long ago?" he asked.

"She died about two months ago. She was just getting ready to turn four," she explained.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"It's okay," she said looking up.

"Well, it's not okay that a little girl died, but I guess I can't do anything about it now can I?" she asked.

"I wish there was," he said.

They both stood there for a minute. He now felt sorry that he brought any thing up. The last thing that he wanted to do was to upset her on her wedding day. Finally realizing that he had to go, the two embraced.

It was the day after the wedding and everything had just been cleaned up. Margaret sat out on the back porch. The sun was setting. She was happy about finally getting married to some one who actually loved her, but there was something in the back of her head. The same thing that had been occupying her thoughts for the last couple of weeks. She sighed as she looked down at her hands.

"Hey there stranger. You come here often?" Hawkeye asked.

Margaret looked up at him.

"Hey," she said and then continued looking down.

They were both quiet for a moment. Then, Margaret decided that she had better talk.

"Hawkeye?" she asked.

"Yes?" he asked.

"There's something that I think I should tell you," she said.

He was about to try and kid around with her, but he could see that she was truly worried about something. He sat down next to her and put a gentle had on her back.

"Okay," he said as he started rubbing her back.

She looked up at him. Hesitant to speak, she first glanced down and rested her hand on her stomach. Looking back up at him, she finally spoke.

"Hawkeye. I'm pregnant," she said.

The only tone in her voice that was present was fear. She seemed to be extremely unsure of herself as tears started to form in her eyes.


	15. Chapter 15

14

"Isn't that a good thing?" Hawkeye asked.

Margaret shrugged as she shook her head.

"I don't think that I am ready to even consider having a baby. I mean, Serena just died. I can't just have another baby," Margaret said.

Hawkeye was some what hurt by this. He was excited to hear that he was going to be the father. Now she's telling him that she doesn't want it.

"What are you saying?" he asked looking up at her.

"I don't know," she said.

"You're not going to get an abortion are you?" he asked.

"No, of course not," she said.

"That never even entered my mind," she said.

That relaxed him a little. He looked directly into her eyes as he laid his other hand on her knee.

"How do you feel about this?" he asked.

Margaret looked over at him and gave him a small smile as she laid her hand over his.

"No matter what, I will love this baby, it's just," she said and then looked over to the side.

"Serena just died. I feel guilty. Almost like I'm replacing her," she said and then looked back at him and stood up and faced him.

"I don't even know if I'm ready," Margaret said starting to cry.

"I mean, look at me! I'm a mess! One moment I'm happy and then once some little thing reminds me of Serena I loose it!" Margaret cried out.

Hawkeye looked at her with true sympathy. How could something that's supposed to over joy people punish her?

Margaret turned away and leaned against the post.

"I'm sorry," she said.

"For what?" he asked.

"You're happy about this baby and here I am fearing it," she said.

Margaret was scared. That and guilty. All she could do was think about Serena. The last thing that she would ever want to do would be to hurt her and now she felt like she was replacing her. Just completely taking her out of the picture. She was also afraid that something might go wrong with this baby to. There were so many things that could happen to a child. If anything ever happened and she lost this one to, she didn't know what she would do.

"Well Margaret, what do you want to do?" he asked.

Hawkeye wanted that baby more then anything. He had missed out on seeing his first child and he wanted to see this one. But he wasn't about to watch Margaret suffer from him or her. If she wanted to give the baby up for adoption or have her sister take care of the baby he would let her. It just wouldn't be the same as actually being the parents.

Margaret didn't know what she wanted to do. Right now she was just in a tough position. She knew that no matter what she was going to feel some guilt. How could she raise one child and then give the other one away? They might not know, but she would always know. She would also miss out on seeing them grow up. She would also be keeping something away from Hawkeye which he greatly deserved to have.

"I don't know," she said.

"Maybe you tell me," she said.

Hawkeye shook his head. He knew there was no way that he could do that.

"This is up to you. You already know how I feel," he said.

She looked down. The sky had begun to grow dark and the shadows were long. The remaining light reflected off her ring. She looked down at that. Right there was what was important to her. Hawkeye. He gave her the baby. Deep down, she really did want it. She wanted that chance to start over. The only thing was, she just didn't know if she could handle it.

"You know everything you said yesterday?" she asked.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"The wedding vows? How you said that you would always be there?" she asked.

"Yes," he said.

"Were you telling me the truth?" she said.

"You know that I was," he said.

"Good, because I'm keeping this baby, but I might need you more then ever," Margaret said.

Hawkeye smiled. He loved hearing that they were keeping that baby. He stood up and came from behind her.

"I love you," he said as he grabbed her shoulders.

"I love you too," she said.

He took his hands and slipped them underneath her arms and rested both hands on her abdomen. Margaret looked down at his hands and then looked back at him as she covered his hands with hers.

"I know we can make this work," he said.

He kissed her on the forehead.

"I know we can. We have to," he said.

"I know," Margaret said agreeing with him.


	16. Chapter 16

15

Margaret was now three months pregnant. Every thing seemed to be surreal to her. If she could have relived the time that she was pregnant with Serena, this would be the way she would have wanted it. Married to the man that she loved, with some one that finally understood her, some one who loved her. The only thing she hated was knowing that Serena was still gone. No matter how happy she would get over this baby, it could never replace the sadness that she felt when Serena had died.

It was early morning when Hawkeye woke up. He opened his eyes and smiled. Margaret was still laying on his chest from last night. He enjoyed finally having some one with him. Once he actually saw her face though, his smile faded. She softly whimpered as tears went down her face.

"Margaret," he said gently nudging her shoulder.

She slowly opened her eyes. Everything she had just seen in her dream felt so real. With out knowing what to do, she sat up and turned to Hawkeye. All she did was blankly stare at him. Her eyes were rimmed with water and looked full of hurt. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close to him.

There was no crying, no sobbing, all she did was simply stare.

"What happened?" Hawkeye asked.

"I saw her leaving," Margaret said.

"What?" Hawkeye asked pulling her away so that he could see her face.

"It was in New York. That's where I stayed right after the war. My friend Sheryl and I shared an apartment together. Anyways, Serena ran away. I chased her down the sidewalk. She got to a subway entrance and stopped. I kept running to try and catch up with her, but she just looked back at me. I called out her name, but she just shook her head and turned away. I kept running, but she had gone down the stairs," Margaret said looking down.

"I couldn't stop her from leaving," she said.

Hawkeye looked to her with sympathy and hugged her again.

"Are you going to be okay?" he asked.

"I'm fine," she said.

"Just give me a few minutes to forget the dream," she said.

"Okay," he said.

Margaret sat back up. She felt bad about waking him up every once in a while just to hold her. It all felt silly, but then again, she needed it. She just needed some one there, and she was glad that it was him. His eyes just watched her to see what she was going to do.

"You know, I'm glad that Serena was your daughter instead of Donald's," Margaret said.

Hawkeye gave her a look of confusion.

"I'm not saying that I am glad that it was your daughter that died," Margaret said.

"That's obvious," Hawkeye said wiping her cheek.

"But, I know that if it was Donald's, that would be who my dad would have called. But I honestly think that Donald wouldn't have given me a second thought," Margaret said.

Hawkeye kissed her.

"That's why I came, because I do care," he said.

She stared at him and then backed up and smiled.

"I know. I also know that I couldn't get through any of this with out you," she said.

"Well, none of this would have happened without me," he said.

They both sat there for a minute. Hawkeye felt bad hearing that Donald didn't care, but he knew what kind of man Donald was, the man that he used to be. That was the only thing that bothered him. He had slept with woman and then cast them aside. Donald did the same thing, the only difference was that he did it while he was married.

"How would you like to go down stairs and get some breakfast?" he asked.

"I would like that, but first, could you answer a question?" she asked.

"Maybe," he said.

"Do I get in your way?" she asked.

"How?" he asked.

"Everything. The way that I sometimes wake up in the night or early morning, the way that I talk about Serena and then cry. The way that I constantly worry about the baby," she said.

Margaret was getting a little over cautious with her baby. She was starting to make sure that she would go as slow as she could down the stairs. She was only eating healthy foods and wouldn't eat any chips or drink anything other then milk or water. She always wanted to make sure that her clothes were a little loose.

"No. I still get more sleep then I did in Korea. I want to hear about Serena. And lastly, I think that it's normal for you to be protective," he said.

"But it doesn't bother you?" she asked.

"It's better then not caring at all," he said.

"I just don't understand the clothes," he said.

Margaret looked down.

"I know it's silly, but I don't want to squish it," she said.

"Margaret," he said laughing as he hugged her.

"Come on, let's go downstairs," he said.

"Okay," she said.

"You can go down, just give me a minute to get changed," she said.

"Alright," he said.

Hawkeye got up and left. Down in the kitchen sat his father who was reading over the paper.

"Good morning," Daniel said.

"Morning," Hawkeye said.

"How's she doing?" he asked.

"She had a dream," Hawkeye said.

"Another one?" Daniel asked.

"Yep," Hawkeye said.

Daniel sighed as he put the paper down. He wished that he could help out the couple, but he didn't know how. He had experienced a death in the family, but that was his wife. He could never imagine losing his own son.

There was a scream that made both of them turn their heads. Following that was a loud thump.

"Margaret!" Hawkeye yelled as he ran out to the staircase.

**I know, I'm mean for leaving it there, but I couldn't resist. What do you think is going to happen? And I was just wondering if her dream sounded familiar to any one. I did get the idea from a movie. And the very last thing I have to say. We beat St. Francis!! **


	17. Chapter 17

16

Hawkeye ran out of the kitchen and to the front of the house to the staircase and paused at the sight.

"Oh God," he said as he ran over.

Margaret was laying on the ground with her face down. He knelt down by her and helped her to sit up. Her face was red and streaked with tears and blood. He was now extremely worried.

"Okay, come on, we're going to get you to a hospital. Make sure that you don't have anything broken," he said.

Margaret found it hard to speak. Right now there was one thing that she was worried about, and it had nothing to do with whether or not she was okay. Her baby. Even though she had fallen down the stairs, her body was numb with worry. Her baby could possibly be dead right now. Everything that she was so careful to avoid was now all happening to her.

Hawkeye helped her up and then held her shoulders for a minute. He didn't want to say anything about the baby, but he was worried. He also knew what it would do to Margaret if she had found out that she had lost the baby.

"Here, I'll drive you two there," Daniel offered.

"Thank you," Hawkeye said.

They all walked out the door and over to the car. Daniel got into the front seat while Hawkeye got into the back with Margaret. The way there was silent. Hawkeye sat against the window as Margaret leaned against him. His arm around her shoulders and her head on his chest. He ran his hand through her hair and tried to calm her.

All she did was stare out the window. Outside there was a group of kids playing. It made her wonder why she couldn't have that. If there was something wrong with her.

"I wasn't meant to be a mother was I?" she asked with out any emotion.

Hawkeye looked down at her with pity.

"You don't know that. That baby there might still be alive," he said as he took his hand and laid it on her stomach.

"That's what I told myself in the waiting room," Margaret said.

It stayed silent for the rest of the way there. Once they got to the hospital, Margaret had x-rays taken and found out that her arm was broken. Hawkeye sat with her while she waited for a doctor to come back with the results for everything else. He sat there and held her hand. As he looked up at her face he saw an expression that he had never seen on her before. It was fear. Her cold stare made her look so calm, yet it also made her seem as if she could loose it at any minute.

The doctor finally walked in and stood before them. Hawkeye could feel Margaret's grip get tighter as he he walked closer.

"Mrs. Pierce," he said reading through something on his chart.

"You're left arm is broken and you needed a few stitches on the inside of your mouth where teeth had cut it," he said.

Margaret stared impatiently at him.

"Okay," he said and then went to another page.

"And I'm happy to say that you're still going to be a mother," he announced.

Margaret hadn't noticed, but she had been holding her breath. Letting out a sigh of relief, she softly smiled.

"Thank you," Hawkeye said.

He walked out of the room leaving Margaret and Hawkeye alone. Hawkeye smiled up at her.

"See, I told you," he said.

"One of the only times that I'm happy to be wrong," she said.

"I'm just happy that everything's okay," he said.

"Me to," she said.

They both leaned in and kissed.

That night Margaret sat at the dresser as she brushed her hair out. The incident earlier had made her realize how easily this could all go wrong. Now she felt as if she had to be twice as cautious. She was starting to think that Hawkeye had expected that, either that or he wanted to be more protective of her. When they got home he walked her up the stairs without her even having to say anything. She didn't even give him a look or anything.

Smiling, she looked down at her stomach. There was a small bump, but nothing much. Taking her hands, she placed them over top of her stomach as if she were almost trying to hug herself. Hawkeye started to walk into the room, but stopped outside the doorway once he heard her start talking.

"You were lucky today. You know that? I promise not to scare you like that again, as long as you promise not to scare me like that when you're older," she said.

Hawkeye smiled at that. He knew that promise would be broken right away. Just the fact that it was his child made it a guarantee that they had to do something stupid at least once a week. The more he thought about it, the luckier he felt that he didn't spend his complete childhood in a hospital.

"I might not have been able to take care of your sister right, but I promise I will get you passed the age of three. What happened to her was unfair. I wish you would have gotten the chance to meet her, she was a wonderful little girl," Margaret said.

Hawkeye's head hung as he heard her start to cry a little.

"You're just lucky to have a father like Hawkeye. Serena never knew him, but you will. Trust me, if he was around with her, she would still be around," Margaret said through tears.

"I'm just glad you got a second chance," she said crying.

Hawkeye looked up and then decided to walk in. All he had ever wanted to do was to keep her from getting hurt, and here she was feeling one of the worst pains that some one could feel. Loss.

"How's my favorite little mother to be?" he asked.

Margaret looked up and wiped her eyes.

"Hello," she said.

"Something wrong?" he asked.

"No," she said.

He just sighed.

"Why don't we go to bed? We've had a long day," he said.

"Alright," she said.

Margaret stood up and went over to pull the covers back on the bed.

"Do you think that maybe I should sleep some where else?" he asked.

Margaret slowly turned to him. He had no intention of it, but he could tell that he had hurt her.

"You broke your arm," he said.

Margaret looked down at it and shook her head.

"It'll be okay," she said.

Margaret knew that he was doing for her sake so that he wouldn't roll over on her arm or accidentally hit it while they were asleep, but she couldn't help it. She needed him. There was no way that she could fall asleep with out being in his arms. He was like a security blanket to her, something that she needed to get through the night.

Hawkeye could see it in her eyes that she was about ready to beg him to stay.

"Okay," he said.

"But if I hurt you," he started.

"You won't," she said.

He walked over and got into bed on his side while she did the same thing on hers. As he got under the covers he smiled at her as he watched her grab the teddy bear and hug it while she laid down.

"Good night," he said hugging her and pulling her closer to him.

"Good night," Margaret said.

Margaret started to close her eyes.

"Oh, and Margaret? I'd never for even a second believe that you would be a bad mother," he said.

"Thank you," she replied.

She smiled. That small little compliment meant the world to her coming from him.

"And I also know that you did take care of Serena, it was just that the baby sitter ruined it," he said.

Margaret's mouth came open. She now knew that he had been listening to her, but decided just to go to sleep and not make anything of it. Feeling as safe as she possibly could in some one else's arms, she drifted off to sleep. But no matter how many times that he told her that it wasn't her fault, she would always see it as that way. Another thing that added to her guilt was that she knew she was going to protect this baby with every ounce of her energy, something that she couldn't do for Serena, something that needed to be done for Serena.

**I guess I owe hartyvampire ** **an apology. Hope that I didn't ruin it for you. I had read your review after I had finished most of this. And I know I shouldn't be doing this, but I can't resist, I'm an excited young girl, but the 14th is my birthday!! Only a few more months and I can have my temps to start driving!! Okay, got that out of my system. **


	18. Chapter 18

17

It was early in the morning. Everything that had happened in the last few months now became very hard for Margaret to deal with. She had had a nightmare that night and waking up to see her belly only reminded her that everything in her dream was true. That she was replacing her daughter. That she got a second chance which she felt she didn't deserve.

"I should really just get over this," Margaret told her self as she sat up. The space next to her on the bed was empty. Confused, she just stared at the pillow. His side was even still made up.

"He never came to bed," Margaret said. She got up and grabbed her house coat. The entire house was quiet. Once downstairs she saw Daniel in the kitchen fixing breakfast. He turned around and watched as she slowly sat down. Her eyes were fixed on the door with a blank expression.

"Hawkeye got called in last night to do an emergency operation. He might have just so that he could get a nap in before driving home," Daniel said.

"What?" Margaret asked shaking her head as she came out of her daze.

"He's at work," Daniel said.

"Did he ever get to bed?" Margaret asked.

"Nope, at around eleven he had to go over to the hospital to do a heart operation. He wasn't real clear about he had to do, but like I said, I'm sure that he just stayed and slept in his office so that he wouldn't have to drive home half asleep," Daniel said. Margaret had been really worried, but now seemed to relax. The last thing that she had wanted was for something to happen to him. It seemed like now she was getting protective over those that she was close to. Just the idea that she didn't know where some one was bothered her.

Hawkeye was at his desk with his head down. Right outside his office stood Michelle Brookes. She herself loved Hawkeye. She had loved him before he had fallen in love with any of the other girls that he dated. She was one of those girls that he had only dated once. The ones that she herself called the rejects. The ones that would never get to hear from him again. But this was supposed to be different. As kids they grew up together. They even lived next to each other. It was all meant to be. Getting jealous of Carly Breslyn, she had moved out of the state. The news that Hawkeye had gotten married brought her back. There was no way that she could live without knowing how he had felt about her all this time.

"Good morning doctor," she said opening the door. Hawkeye picked his head up. Even though he still couldn't see right, he could tell who it was that was standing before him. There was no knowledge as to how she felt about him. He was just happy to see her.

"Hey Michelle," he said yawning.

"Hey yourself," she said making her way over to him. She plainly sat down in the chair in front of him. Everything was figured out and all she had to do was make sure that it was all in place.

"So, what's been going on with you?" Hawkeye asked.

"Nothing. How about you? I hear that you're married now," she said. Hawkeye's face lit up at that. He was more then excited to share that. This only made Michelle's jealousy worse.

"Yes I am. I met her in Korea when we worked together. Now pretty soon I'm going to be a father," he said. Michelle saw how much this woman meant to him. All it did was drive the sword further into her. She looked around as he went on to explain how life was over in Korea. She spotted his bag.

"Hey, is that the same one that you used to use before you went to Korea?" she asked as she got up to go over to it. Her back was now turned towards Hawkeye. As sneaky as she could, she slipped a pair of her underwear out of her front pocket of her pants and into the bag. This was very easy since he was tsill half asleep. She then picked it up and wheeled around to face him. All she had to do was see the look on his face to know that he had no idea of what she was doing.

"Yeah," he said. He found it very hard to believe that any one could find such interest in his bag, then again, he had always noticed that Michelle had been an observant person. There was nothing that you could ever get passed her.

"Well," she said walking towards him, "I guess I should let you get back to your work."

"Actually," he said standing u p and grabbing his bag," I was getting ready to leave." They both walked out together. Once Hawkeye was gone, she smugly smiled to herself. She knew that if his wife had found out about what was in his bag that the marriage should be over and that she could easily take him in.

"Hi every one," he said walking into the front door. Margaret smiled from over on the couch. She was so relieved to finally see him. There was no problem when it came to him going to work, but she just needed to know where he was. Margaret just watched him as he walked over to the couch and joined her.

"Hi. How was it last night?" she asked.

"Okay I guess. The patient lived, so there's a good thing. I just don't think that I lived through it," Hawkeye said. Margaret chuckled and then kissed him.

"How about you get dressed and I take you out to lunch?" he asked.

"Sounds great," she said. Margaret got up and then looked back at him.

"Here, I'll take you bag up for you," she said.

"Thanks," he said. Daniel waited until Margaret got up the stairs and then smiled at him.

"You know, I think that she has grown awful close to you," he said. Hawkeye looked over at him and laughed.

"Isn't that how it's supposed to be when you get married?" Hawkeye asked.

"I guess so, but you should have seen her when she came downstairs this morning. Hawkeye, she was worried about the fact that you weren't here. She sat there and watched the door," Daniel said.

"Did she really?" Hawkeye asked. Daniel just nodded at him. Hawkeye now felt bad. The more he thought about it, he could have just left a note. Anything to have gotten her through the morning with out being nervous.

Margaret went over and set the bag down on the dresser and then walked over to the closet. As she looked through her clothes, she though about how weird it was for her to have acted the way she did that morning. There wasn't a time that she could have thought of where she had acted like that for some one. Then again, she really hadn't gotten close to a lot of people.

"Here, we go," she said pulling out a shirt. She changed her shirt and decided that she had better see herself in the mirror first. It seemed as if none of her clothes had fit her and was now getting self conscious, but of course she was six months along. The only thing that bothered her was that it was the clothes from five months that weren't fitting her. She wheeled around and accidentally hit her elbow against the bag knocking it down from the dresser.

"Damn it," she said under her breathe. As she went to go pick his things up she noticed something that was brightly colored.

"No," she whimpered as she pick up the underwear. Tears rimmed her eyes as she threw them down. Everything that she had thought she had was now gone.

"I guess maybe I was too much for him," she said trying her hardest to keep from crying.


	19. Chapter 19

18

Margaret just sat down on the bed and stared down at the underwear. What was she supposed to do? She could yell at him, rip his head off, scream, cry, shout. But nothing would change what he had done, and it hurt. The idea of having to go through the same thing that she had with Donald only scared her.

"How easy am I to trick?" she asked herself. Thinking it through, had really expected Hawkeye to give up his old ways? He himself had even told her that you can't expect people to change themselves fro you. Of course this was a different subject, but deep down she knew that he would always be the same man. Every other man was the same way, except for BJ, but even he cheated. It made her wonder how many times he had cheated. Whether if it was with just one woman or a few women. The only person that she had never heard about straying was Colonel Potter. That's great, only one person. Out of the five married men that she knew there was only one that had never cheated, at least that she knew of. Those weren't great odds for her to find one that would stay loyal.

"I hate you," she said still staring at the underwear. She stood up and went over and picked it up. Stuffing them into her pocket, she stormed out the door and down to the living room. Her eyes red puffy, mouth wide open in disbelief. Her worst fears had become real. She again, was now alone.

"Margaret, what's wrong?" he asked as he stood up.

"Don't touch me!" she angrily snapped as he reached for her shoulder. He jumped back. This wasn't what he was used to.

"I think you know what's wrong," she said trying to keep her voice steady. Hawkeye shook his head as he tried to figure what he could've done. He was about to ask again, but figured that he better keep his mouth shut.

"I thought you were different from the others. I really did. But I guess you're exactly the same. The same as all of them! Scully, Frank, Trapper, you all do the same things! Especially Donald! I didn't think that I would have to go through that again!" Margaret yelled with tears streaming her face.

"I am different from Donald! I'm not out every night with some other girl getting drunk and leaving you on your own! If there's something wrong just tell me! Don't stand here and lecture me on how I'm like other people when I don't even know what you're talking about!" he said starting to get angry. Margaret turned her head and wiped her tears. Turning back to him, she pulled the underwear out of her pocket and held it up.

"This look familiar to you?" she asked. Hawkeye blankly stared at it. He took it from her hand and looked it over.

"No," he said shaking his head.

"Where did you get them?" he asked handing them back.

"Don't play dumb with me! What kind of idiot do you think I am?" she yelled.

"I found them in your doctor's bag! That means you obviously went to 'work' to do more then just an operation!" Margaret yelled.

"What kind of idiot do you think I am? What makes you think that I would be stupid enough to slip them in my bag and then have you carry it upstairs for me?" he asked starting to yell. Margaret just shook her head as her lip started to quiver.

"Maybe if you would have thought that through we wouldn't be here right now!" he yelled.

"Maybe if you'd think with something other then your penis once in a while you'd find it easier to stay with one person and not with every good looking woman out on the streets!" Margaret yelled.

"Oh! First it goes from one woman to multiple women! What the hell kind of man do you think I am?" he asked.

"Okay, okay, you two," Daniel said standing up and walking towards them. He could see that this was going to eventually hurt some one and he couldn't just sit back and watch a couple that he thought truly loved each other end within minutes before his eyes.

"Now I know about as much as Margaret does at this moment," he said.

"And right now I think it would be best for you two to separate for a little bit. And Hawkeye, I want to talk to you," he said coldly staring at Hawkeye.

"Why? I didn't do anything," Hawkeye argued.

"Then explain what happened and why you have some other girl's panties," he said. Hawkeye just stared down at the ground as he sighed. He honestly had no idea. Daniel closed his eyes and shook his head in disapproval. He thought of Margaret as the daughter that he never had and hated to see his son treat her like he had. He himself was never the one to jump to conclusions, but this was more then just some kind of hunch.

"Alright, why don't one of you go upstairs and the other stay down here," he said.

"I feel like I'm being treated like a little kid," Hawkeye said.

"I know, but you'll both thank me for this later," Daniel said. Hawkeye sighed and went upstairs. He hated this, but as he thought about it, he did look bad. The only thing was that he wished some one would believe him. This wasn't some small fight like he forgot her birthday or something, this was one that could actually ruin their marriage. Right now he thought the last thing that she needed was to be alone again. He again, would be leaving the mother of his child alone to raise it on their own.

Margaret went over and sat down on the couch. Daniel sigh and sat down next to her.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

"I don't know," she said.

"If it helps, I know for a fact that he hasn't been with another woman. If he was this time, it's the only time," Daniel said.

"What do you mean if? I found the underwear right there. It's like finding the bloody knife in the back pocket of a murder suspect," she said. Daniel just sighed. All he wanted to do was keep the two together, unfortunately, this was not a small matter.

"It's just hard for me to believe that he would cheat on you. You should have heard him talking about you when he first got home," Daniel said in his attempt to make her feel better. Margaret just looked over at him.

"You know, Donald was excited to get married to me to. He was smiling and happy and talking about me. But when Hawkeye wanted to marry me, there was something with him. A genuine promise to stay with me. Something that I would never find with Donald. Something that meant more to me then anything Donald could ever offer. But I guess they both needed more then I could give them," Margaret said starting to cry again. Daniel just sighed as he put his hand on her shoulder.


	20. Chapter 20

19

Hawkeye dragged himself into work. The night before had been horrible. No fighting, no screaming, just simple betrayal. The pained expressions and regret. He wished he had known what had really happened, but he didn't. Everything that he had never wanted to see, was happening. He had deeply hurt her, and he didn't even know how.

He sat down at his desk and stared down at the paper work in front of him. That was the last thing that he felt like doing at this moment. All he wanted to was to sleep. Last night he had given Margaret the bed and went down and slept on the couch. They both knew that it would be difficult to be in the same bed, but then again, it went more like she kicked him out.

There was a knock at the door. It made him jump as he was pulled out of his trance like state.

"Come in," he said. Michelle walked in and looked around. She could tell by just the tone of his voice that something had gone wrong.

"Hello Dr. Pierce," she said as she walked over to his desk. He could feel the happiness in her voice, and for some reason it bothered him.

"What is it Michelle? I've got a busy day," he said. Hawkeye slowly started to sit back as Michelle climbed up onto his desk and sat before him.

"Do you?" she asked as she leaned in towards him. Hawkeye was now getting nervous. He slid the chair back away from the desk and watched her. The way she sat, the same way that she had always sat when she wanted a boy. Propped up on her one arm while the other hand was busy twirling her hair. It was working, he hated it, but, it was working. He wanted her right now, but every time that he thought about that, he remembered the way Margaret had been hurt last night. He never wanted to do that again.

"Yes I do," he said nervously looking around the room. Michelle stood up and walked over to him, which caused him to quickly stand up and step off to the side.

"What the hell are you doing?" he asked getting mad. Michelle gave him a pouty face as she walked over to him.

"What ever happened to your little angel face?" she asked.

"I'm married!" he snapped.

"I thought you could never be tied down," she said. She put her hands on his cheeks.

"Besides, it was me that you were supposed to marry. Remember?" she asked. Hawkeye suddenly realized what she was talking about.

_It was 1951 and Hawkeye stood with Michelle at the airport in Maine. He was in his uniform as they stood at the gate. They were holding hands as they faced each other. _

_"Now Michelle, I promise you that no matter what, when I come back I will come and get you and we will get married," he said. He lightly kissed her on the lips that started to quiver as he backed up._

_"You promise?" she asked._

_"I promise," he said._

"That was like ten years ago," he said.

"A promise is still a promise," she said. Michelle removed her hands and then just stared at him. Hawkeye sighed. He had forgotten about that from the minute that he arrived in Korea. The honest truth was that he hadn't even given her a single thought. The only one that he did think about was Carly, but that was only because she had shown up there. Now his heart belonged to Margaret, the one that he really felt he loved.

"Look, Michelle," he said grabbing her shoulders and pushing her back.

"Is it really fair to you that I dump her and just come back to you because you said you wanted me to? Wouldn't rather have a man that would at least have remembered to come and see you when he got home?" he asked.

"When the heart wants, the heart waits," she said.

"You're telling me that you would have wasted your life waiting for me?" he asked.

"I wouldn't consider it wasted," she said. Hawkeye just looked down at his hand with the wedding ring.

"Michelle, do you realize that even if I left her for you, that she would still always be on my mind? I care enough about you to have you wait for a better man," he said.

"Then where does that leave your wife?" she asked.

"I didn't think that mattered to you," he said.

"It doesn't, but you're trying so hard to make yourself sound so bad. Basically what you're saying is that if you truly loved your wife you would leave her," Michelle said. She knew what he was really doing and she also knew that what she had just was about as far from the truth as some one could get, but she had to do it. She had to play with his head. She could see it in his eyes that he was actually thinking that over and decided that there was no harm in taking it further.

"Now I don't know the entire story, but why did you two get married? You know, did you love her and she felt bad? Was there maybe a kid that you were responsible for? I know that would often bring people who don't actually love each other together now wouldn't it? Did you have to ask her more then once?" she asked. With every word that she said his eyes grew more and more regretful.

"Now, if you can honestly say no to all of that, then she has to love you, but, if there was a yes, I would reexamine your marriage." With that, Michelle walked out of the room leaving Hawkeye to stand there and think about what he had just heard.

Margaret sat on the couch in the living room as she stared out the window at the rain. She knew that the time would come when he would walk through that front door. She would have to face him again. There was really no reasoning as to why, but she felt horrible about herself now. Through out the night she kept looking at herself in the mirror wondering what it was that was wrong with her. Of course, it didn't take long to make a huge list. All she could was call herself ugly, fat, unattractive. Then she would think maybe it was that she cried too much, or that she was too emotional, or depressing, or was too much of a burden to him.

"I'm home," Hawkeye weakly announced. She waited for the sound of the door and then for the footsteps.

"Hi," he said standing before her. Margaret looked up at him. She hadn't decided whether or not she really wanted to talk to him.

"I found out about what had happened with the underwear yesterday," he said. This got her attention. She wouldn't believe it, but it would be interesting.

"Before I met you there was this girl, Michelle Brooks. She had started working with me. Now I didn't pay her much attention, but she sure as hell worked for it. She reminded me that I had promised to marry her when I got back. Now she wants me to leave you so that she can have me," Hawkeye said. She coldly stared up at him. It was a good story, and it did make sense, but he did also have all day.

Hawkeye just waited for a response.

"Come on," he said almost begging. She could see it in his eyes that he was truly sorry, but she just couldn't do it. She felt betrayed. Standing up, she shook her head and then went into the kitchen and sat down at the table. Daniel, who was at the counter reading over a newspaper, looked up and saw her.

"I heard Hawkeye walk in," he said.

"Yeah," she said sighing. Daniel put the paper down and turned his attention to her.

"Did he try to apologize?" he asked.

"He told me that he was set up by this one girl that he used to know," Margaret said. He gave her a sympathetic look.

"How do you know that he's lying?" Daniel asked. Margaret looked up at him.

"I don't know. But I have also lost trust," she said.

"That's understandable," he said.

"I mean, I'm sure that Michelle doesn't even exist," she said and then went back to playing with the table clothe. Daniel stood up looked to her with interest.

"Michelle?" he asked.

"Yep," she said without looking up.

"What was her last name?" he asked. Margaret looked up and thought for a moment.

"I don't know. Why?" she asked.

"There used to be this young who was obsessed with him. Michelle Brooks, I think it. He never knew it, but she really had something for him. Even made him promise to marry her," he said. Margaret just watched for a second. Maybe it was possible that he was telling the truth. Margaret got up and walked out into the living room. Standing in the doorway, she just stared at Hawkeye.

"Yes?" Hawkeye asked.

"I want to see her," Margaret said. Hawkeye looked up at her.

"Okay," he said.


	21. Chapter 21

20

Hawkeye had brought Margaret into work with him. They showed up earlier so that they could get there before Michelle got there. They had a plan, but Hawkeye wasn't too happy with it.

"Are you sure that you want to do this?" he asked. Margaret sighed.

"It's the only way," she said crossing her arms.

"But Margaret, I don't have a closet in here, the only place that you can hide is under the desk, and I don't think that you would want to sit there for more then ten seconds," he said.

Margaret walked around and looked at the space under the desk. He was right, there was no way that she would be comfortable under there, but she had to. It was either that or go on not trusting him.

"I'll take the desk," she said.

"Well, okay," he said.

Hawkeye stepped back and waited until Margaret got around. He just watched her as she sat down and scooted herself under the desk.

"Just let me know if you need to come out of there," he said.

Hawkeye went and sat down in his chair. He then just waited for Michelle to come in.

"Any minute now," he said.

They both waited about five minutes before she came in. Like every day, her casual walk in to try to seduce him.

"Good morning Dr. Pierce," she said all too cheerfully.

"Good morning Michelle," he said with out any emotion.

"You sound like you've had a bad morning. Why not let me make it all better?" she asked leaning down on his desk and smiling straight into his eyes.

"I don't think you can," he said.

"Why? You still love your wife right?" she asked.

"You know how I feel," he said. She stood up and sighed. This was going no where.

"Did you think about what I said?" she asked.

Margaret could see Hawkeye tense up. She was now very interested in what had happened there yesterday.

"I did," Hawkeye said sighing, "and I just hope that you're wrong." Michelle smiled.

"Ah, so you hope that I'm wrong. That just tells me that you don't know yourself," she said.

Hawkeye just eyed her as she walked over to the other side. There was something so evil about the way she was smirking. The sparkle in her eyes seemed to grow when he became concerned about Margaret and what he was doing to her.

"So, tell me, which ones did you have to say yes to yesterday," she said and then walked over to the desk. He felt as if she were trying to intimidate him.

"How many times did you have to ask her to marry you? Maybe she was just getting sick of you asking and decided to give up and yes," she said.

Hawkeye just sat back and stared. What was he going to say to that? He did ask her a couple times just to get her to come and join him.

"I can tell just by the look of your face that you had to give it a few tries. How about a kid? Did she feel bad for keeping it away from you? Or were you feeling like you needed to be able to help out?" Michelle asked.

"That's none of your business," he said.

Margaret closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the wood. She hated hearing some one put him through that. Right now all she wanted to do was to get out and punch that lady. But she couldn't. There was no way that she could show herself before Michelle left.

"You shouldn't have said that. All it does is tell me that you did have a kid with her," Michelle said.

"So why not leave the poor woman alone and come live with me? She can go find some one that she actually loves and we can love each other," Michelle said.

"No," Hawkeye said.

"Well, alright then. I guess I'll have to try again tomorrow," Michelle said and the left.

Hawkeye looked down and sighed. She struck a nerve and she wasn't about to let it go.

"Can I get out now?" Margaret asked.

"Yeah," Hawkeye absent mindedly responded.

He stood up and moved the chair back then knelt down to help Margaret out of the small crawl space. He put his arm around her shoulders and helped her to slide out. Margaret could feel that he was tense. She sat there and the floor and gave him a look of sympathy.

"I guess you proved me wrong," she said. Hawkeye nodded and then stood up and helped her up.

"That's good," he said. He walked over and stared out the window with his back facing her.

"But can I prove her wrong?" he asked. Margaret walked up behind him and grabbed his shoulders.

"You know that I love you," she said. Hawkeye softly smiled and turned around. He needed to hear that.

"I love you to," he said and then kissed her.


	22. Chapter 22

21

Hawkeye sat at his desk in his office as he looked through pictures of different homes. He and Margaret had wanted a house before the baby was born. He was now definitely cutting it close considering that Margaret was now eight months along. Although, he wasn't worried since there were going to be people helping him. Right now he was just concerned about keeping it a surprise. He also had a few things to do up at his Uncle's cabin. That was his present to Hawkeye and Margaret, to let them have the cabin to themselves for Christmas.

"Come in!" he said after hearing a knock at the door. One of the nurses walked in and stood before his desk.

"Do you have Mr. Robinson's chart?" she asked.

"Here it is," he said handing it to her. She thanked him and then went to leave.

"Wait," he said stopping her.

"Shelly? What time is it?" he asked.

"Four," she said. He sat back and thought for a moment.

"It's real quiet today isn't it?" he asked. Shelly shrugged.

"I'd say so," she said.

"Do you think that I could get away with leaving a few minutes early?" he asked causing Shelly to softly laugh.

"Don't worry, I'll call you if you're needed," she said. Hawkeye happily stood up and grabbed his coat.

"Thanks. I owe you," he said.

That night, Hawkeye walked in the door about an hour late.

"Hey," he said looking around. Daniel walked out of the kitchen and smiled at his son.

"Margaret's upstairs. She's been asleep most of the day. She's not even aware of the fact that you were late today," he said.

"How far did you get today?" Daniel asked.

"I got the tree decorated and today during lunch I set up an appointment to go check out a few houses," Hawkeye said.

"Good deal. You might actually pull all of this off," Daniel said.

"I will," Hawkeye said. Daniel shook his head as he laughed.

"Well, dinner's almost done," he said.

"Okay, I'll go wake sleeping beauty up," Hawkeye said. Hawkeye walked up the stairs and got to the bedroom door. For a minute, all he wanted to do was watch her. He hated to wake her, she looked so peaceful and calm, but then again, she would get mad at him if she missed dinner because he wouldn't wake her.

"Margaret," he gently called while sitting down beside her on the bed. She stirred a little, but didn't wake up. He laughed and then patted her belly. Margaret cringed.

"Don't do that so hard," she snapped. Hawkeye just gave her a look of confusion.

"I'm sorry, I didn't think I did it that hard," he said. Margaret sat up and sighed. She stared down nervously at her stomach.

"You didn't did you?" she asked. Hawkeye just shook his head.

"I'm scared," she said as tears started to fall from her eyes. Hawkeye grabbed her hand and squeezed it.

"It's been hurting. I didn't think much of it because, well, a few cramps here and there are normal. But all day long," she said starting to sob. Hawkeye tried to think of what would be going on, but just couldn't. He was too scared himself. He was just so afraid of getting it wrong. Of telling her everything was okay and then finding out that she had a miscarriage or telling her that there is something wrong and getting her even more worked up for nothing.

Margaret gasped as she grabbed her stomach. He saw her close her eyes for a moment while her grip on his hand got tighter. He rubbed her back and waited for what he thought was a contraction to end. Once her grip loosened up she looked to him with fearful eyes.

"Come on, I'm getting you to a hospital," he said standing up. Margaret nodded as he helped her up. When she did stand up, he saw blood on the bed.

"Oh God," he muttered.

"What?" Margaret asked trying her hardest to keep calm. Following his gaze, she looked back at the bed and saw blood.

"No," she whimpered. Hawkeye took her arm and lead her out of the room. Now she had a very good idea of what was going on. She could see it now. The doctor walking in and sadly shaking his head. Not even having to shake his head, just the look on his face giving it away. Telling her that she was so close to being a mother. Telling her that there's always another chance. Knowing in the back of her head that this was her second chance and that she blew it. Her thoughts were interrupted when Hawkeye spoke.

"You better count us out for dinner," he said. Daniel gave them a look of concern. He didn't even have to ask what was going on.

"You want me to give you two a ride?" he asked. Margaret nodded. She knew that this meant sitting in the back seat, but, Hawkeye could be back there with her, and right now she needed him. They all piled into the car and then went off to the hospital. It was only a few minutes after he pulled out of the driveway that Margaret had another contraction.

"Okay, okay," he said holding her hand and rubbing her back. She finally sat back and started panting.

"This isn't normal," she said still panting.

"I've only been in labor for the past ten or fifteen minutes," she said. Hawkeye knew that there was a reason, but he couldn't figure out why. Under normal circumstances, he could, but he was scared. There was no way that he could think straight right now.

"Maybe you were all day and just didn't notice it," he suggested. She just looked up at him.

"I want to believe that," she said.

They finally arrived at the hospital and got Margaret admitted. Hawkeye and Daniel waited outside while they ran a few tests on Margaret. Hawkeye sat there blankly staring at the wall. Everything that he had been waiting for was going wrong. All he had wanted was a family. He would still have Margaret, but there was no way that she could cope if something were to go wrong. It would just be too much in such a small amount of time. He was also looking forward to meeting this child. Getting to be apart of this one's life. He hated thinking so negatively, but he just couldn't help it.

"She's going to be alright," Daniel said. Hawkeye looked back at him.

"You don't know that," Hawkeye said. Daniel sighed and sat down next to him.

"I know you're worried, but I don't think there's time for that," Daniel said. Hawkeye just looked at him.

"What I mean is that in a few minutes, they're going to tell YOU what's going on and that you can go see her and tell her yourself," Hawkeye looked down to the ground as he thought about that.

"If it's good news, then you'll have no problem, but if there is something wrong, you're going to have to be the strong one. You know that it would be a huge blow to the head to her. Every one knows that you would be greatly hurt, but think about her," Daniel said.

He was right. He had to be strong for her. Even if it was good news, she would still be shaken up. She would still have nightmares. The same thing that she was going through, just worse.

"Dr. Pierce, you can go see your wife now. She's in room 132," she said.

"Thanks," he said and then got up to go down the hall. They didn't tell him anything, so he didn't have to figure out what he was going to say. Yet.

"Hi," he said walking into the room. He saw Margaret tightly gripping the sheets as she writhed in the bed. He rushed over and rubbed her shoulders until she finally relaxed.

"Hi," she weakly greeted him and then softly smiled.

"They told me something," she said still out of breath.

"What's that?" he asked brushing the hair back from her face.

"That it's twins," she said. Hawkeye smiled as he leaned down and kissed her.

"See? Everything's going to be okay," he said.

"I guess," she said still not truly believing that this was all okay. She looked over to the door as a doctor poked his head in.

"Dr. Pierce?" he asked. Hawkeye turned around and saw him motion for him to come out into the hallway. He looked back at Margaret and sighed.

"I'll be right back," he said. Margaret just stared at him looking as if she were ready to cry again. He got up, walked out, and closed the door behind him. The look on the doctor's face alone to indicate that it was bad news.

"Well, I guess she already told you about the twins," he said.

"Yes she did," Hawkeye said awkwardly smiling.

"I know, I know. Tell you what's wrong. Well, the placenta separated from the lining of the uterus. That explains any pain that she had been having and her contractions being further along then they should be," he said.

"They didn't make it did they?" Hawkeye asked.

"There were two heartbeats, but the odds of both of them living are almost nothing. The first one born has a small chance, but the second one barely has any chance at all," he said. Hawkeye just stared. He couldn't believe it. His little baby was most likely going to die. Right there, right in front of him, and couldn't do anything. Leaning his head against the wall, he heavily sighed.


	23. Chapter 23

22

Margaret lay in the hospital bed. Weak from both giving birth and losing blood. Her hair still wet and her as eyes full of unshed tears. She watched as Hawkeye paced the floor.

"What do you think they're doing?" Margaret asked. Hawkeye stopped and looked up at her. He didn't know what to tell her. It had only been a couple of minutes since they had taken the babies away.

"Probably checking their vital signs," he said.

"How long should that take?" Margaret asked. Hawkeye walked over and comfortingly grabbed her shoulder.

"I don't know what to say. At least they didn't walk out right away and announce that they died. I mean, it could be a good thing," he said.

"Yeah," she said trying her hardest to think like that. Hawkeye stood there for a moment holding his wife's hand. There was nothing he could do to change what was going on, yet he had to sit back and watch it.

"I'm scared," she said to starting to cry. He took her hand and squeezed it. Before he could say anything, the door opened.

"Doctor Pierce," the nurse called. Hawkeye gave a small reassuring smile to Margaret and then left. He again, closed the door behind him. Standing in front of him was another nurse with his baby in her arms.

"It's a little girl, they both are," she said. Hawkeye smiled down as she stared up at him. She had his mouth, Margaret's eyes, she was a perfect little baby.

"But, this one isn't going to make it," she said. He nervously looked up at her. The hairs on his back stood up. Suddenly it felt as if there were no ground beneath him. That was exactly what he did not want to hear.

"What about the other one?" he asked.

"She'll be fine as long as you take good care of her. They'll bring her in in a few minutes," she said.

"We just thought that you might want to spend some time with this one before she does die," she said. He took her into his own arms.

"Yeah," he said just staring down at her. He could feel a lump in his throat and tears starting to fill his eyes. He decided that he's better take her into so that Margaret could see her. He could see Margaret's eyes light up as soon as he walked in the door.

All she could think was that one baby lived. Her tears of worry changed to tears of joy.

"Come on, bring it over," she said.

"It's a girl," he said staring sadly down at her. Margaret could see the way that he was looking at her and knew that it was bad. She just watched as he carried her over and sat down on the side of the bed.

"What?" she asked getting nervous. Hawkeye just handed her over to Margaret.

"Hi," she said smiling down at her daughter. She took her finger and rubbed it across her little cheek. Hawkeye put his arm around Margaret and pulled the blanket back from the baby's face so that he could see it better.

"I love you," she said with a tear streaming down her face. She knew that there was something wrong. She just couldn't figure out whether it was with this one or with the other one. Either way, she felt an emptiness again. It was similar to the one that she had felt when Serena had died.

"I really do. I love you and I always will. I even loved Serena, and as unfair as this is to her, I'm going to promise you that I won't let the same thing happen to you. Okay?" she asked. Hawkeye looked over at her. He was now starting to get worried. Margaret looked down. He could see it in her eyes that she had found something wrong. She quickly took her hand and put it under the baby's nose.

"Oh God," she said staring in shock.

_(Margaret sat there on the bathroom floor with Serena. She was unconscious. Margaret had just called the ambulance and was anxiously waiting. The only thing that kept her from pacing the floor was that Serena was there, just lying on the ground. She was afraid to do anything to her. The back of her head was covered in blood leaving a small puddle on the floor beneath her. Yet, her face looked so peaceful. Margaret simply grabbed Serena's hand and sat there with her as she cried.)_

"_Oh God," Margaret cried. Her entire body went completely numb. Everything that had been going now felt all to real. Before it all seemed like a nightmare, but now it was real. Margaret just shook her head as she looked down her. She tried to speak, but no words came out. Hawkeye reached over and grabbed the baby. He took her out to the nurse. _

"_Damn it," he muttered as he went to give her away. His child died right there. He felt the most helpless doctor that there was. He was told that there was no chance, that there was no way that she could make it. _

_He walked back into the room. Margaret was curled up on her side with the covers pulled up over her shoulder. He went and sat down beside her. He laid his hand down on her side causing her to look over. She then sat up and borrowed her face into his chest. He honestly felt like doing the same thing, but he had remembered what his father had told him. That he had to be there for Margaret. In a lot of ways, he was right. He could just imagine what was going on in her head right now. _

_Margaret sat there crying into his chest. She was comforted by his embrace, but still hurt. Everything that she was afraid of, happened. She was starting to even wonder if she was meant to be a mother. First Serena and now her baby. There was still the other baby in which she had not even heard about, but figured that she probably didn't want to. _

"_Hawkeye?" she asked pulling away._

"_Yes?" he asked. She just sighed. There was nothing to say. Nothing in the world could be said to bring her daughter back. Yet, she just felt that she had to get his attention. Like she had to say something, just didn't know what it was. _

"_I know," he said looking. He then looked up and softly smiled._

"_But if it does help, the other one. It's a girl, and she's going to make it," he said. Margaret smiled and hugged him. When she pulled away there was a look of betrayal in her eyes._

"_So, one gets to live and the other has to die," she said. _

"_I know," he said not knowing what to say to that. _

"_I know," he repeated._


	24. Chapter 24

22

Margaret stood as she stared at her daughter. Just staring. She was asleep. There was a very bittersweet feeling. One lives and one dies. It was all chance. What if it was the other one that had lived? She loved both of them, but why should one have to die and one get to live? It was all very unfair. Neither of them did anything wrong. Then there was Serena, but she didn't think of that as chance, she thought of that as her own negligence. Her own stupidity. Her thoughts were interrupted as the baby woke up and started crying.

"Come here," she said as she picked her up and cradled her.

"Mommy's got you. What's wrong?" Margaret asked.

She stopped crying as soon as Margaret started to walk around.

"I know you're not hungry, I just fed you a half hour ago," she said.

She took the baby and sat down with her. She liked having her safely in her arms. When ever the nurses would come in and pick her she got nervous. The only others that were able to hold the baby with out her getting nervous were Hawkeye and Daniel. Her father and sister hadn't been out to see her yet. Hawkeye walked in and smiled at the sight of his wife and daughter.

"Hello," he said.

Margaret looked up and smiled.

"Hi," she said.

Hawkeye walked over and sat down next to her.

"You come up with a name yet?" he asked.

It had been a day and neither of them could think of what to name her. Well, Margaret wasn't in the mood to think of names. She was starting to feel bad about that and was now wanting to talk it over with him.

"Well, you know that we were decided between Jennifer and Emilie, but I don't know any more," she said staring down at her.

Hawkeye just stared down at her and smiled. She could easily tell that he had a name in mind.

"What was your mother's name?" she asked.

Hawkeye quickly looked up from the baby. The thought had been going through his head, but he didn't know if that was really what she had wanted.

"Maria Isabel," he said.

Margaret smiled at him.

"Then Maria Isabel it is," she said.

"Are you sure that's what you want? What about any one in your family?" he asked.

Margaret sighed.

"The only name that I can think of right now is Serena, and I can't name her that," Margaret said.

Hawkeye gave her a sympathetic look. He then laid his hand on the back of her head and gently pulled her towards him and kissed her on the forehead.

"It's only perfect if that's the name that you truly want," he said.

"It is," she said.

Gazing down at newly named Maria, she couldn't help but feel protective. As horrible as it was, it seemed like Serena and the other baby didn't matter, as long as she kept Maria alive. Even though neither Serena or her baby sister could never be replaced, there was nothing left to do with them. They were gone. Maria was here, she was alive, and she was going to try her hardest to keep this one alive. To not screw up like she had before.

"I can't screw up this time," she said.

Hawkeye just gave her a look of confusion and then looked down at Maria. He had a pretty good idea of what was going through her head, but didn't want to say anything. There was no use in getting her more upset than she already was.

**Sorry I haven't updated in a while. I've been busy with school and art and tests and all of that. Anyways, I know it's short, but still tell me what you think. **


	25. Chapter 25

23

Margaret sat in the nursery with little Maria. It was the middle of the night on her first night home. Ever since she had come home Margaret had not separated from her. She felt as if she had to be in the same room with her at all times.

Margaret softly hummed as she stood looking over the crib. The only thing allowing her to see Mari was the dull glow coming from the window. As long as she could see her, see was fine. Yawning, she looked back towards the door. It had been a long day, but she couldn't seem to be able to leave the room. The last time that she had left her child, well, her life was left in some one else's hands, and apparently, they weren't the right hands. As much as she could trust Hawkeye and Daniel, she couldn't leave. Especially after the nightmares that she had in the hospital.

"I guess you have a roommate tonight," she said. Margaret looked around and then decided to pull the rocking chair up and sleep in that. It wasn't the most comfortable way to sleep, but it would work. It would have to tonight. She then gathered pillows and arranged them as comfortably as she could.

"Good night," she whispered taking one last glance at Maria before falling asleep.

Hawkeye woke up the next morning to his alarm. Maria started to cry from the noise. He then quickly turned it off.

"Don't worry Margaret, I've got it," he said lifting his head from the pillow. Trying to wake up, he rubbed his eyes.

"Margaret?" he groggily asked. Upon getting no answer he looked over towards her side of the bed. It had untouched. Now he was worried. Hawkeye finally sat up and looked around the room. He was now starting to think clearly. The baby had stopped crying so she must be in the nursery. Even with knowing where she could be, it bothered him that she had never came to bed.

He slid out of the covers and pulled on his robe. He decided that he'd better go find his wife. Venturing across the hallway he noticed that the door was open, which was a good sign. He then walked in to see Daniel cradling Maria while Margaret slept in the chair.

"Some one had a rough night," Hawkeye said observing Margaret. Daniel looked over and nodded. "Probably up with her all night," he said.

Hawkeye went and stood before Margaret. He looked down at her with pity and then towards his father. "I wish she would have gotten me up to help out a few times," he said. Daniel sighed. "Well, lets leave her alone to sleep. I'll take this little one here down to feed her. You just go get ready for work," Daniel said and then smiled at his son. "Okay," Hawkeye agreed and then followed him out of the room.

Hawkeye grabbed his things and was about to walk out of the room and head out to the hospital. Closing the bedroom door behind him, he could hear Margaret from the nursery. "Margaret?" he asked. Setting his things down, he went over and opened the door.

Margaret sat in the chair softly whimpering in her sleep. He jogged his way over to her and knelt down at her side. "Margaret," he called while gently nudging her. Margaret awoke with a jump. Her eyes examined the room as of to see what had really just happened. Her face full of worry and sadness while her eyes filled with water. Calming down, she turned her attention to Hawkeye.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't mean to wake you up," she said. He shook his head. "I've been up. I'm just glad that I was up to wake you," he said. Margaret sighed as she agreed. It was all too much for her at the moment. Her dream was still very real to her and she was having a hard time getting over it. She could still see the images as if they were actually right in front of her. Maria's sisters mad at her. Telling her that they should still be alive today. That she killed them.

"I didn't kill them," Margaret said staring absently down at the floor. Hawkeye just followed her eyes down towards the ground and then looked back up at her. He knew what she was talking about, he didn't even have to ask. But he figured he should to at least get her to start talking.

"Kill who?" he asked. Margaret shook her head. "It's nothing," she said. Margaret then turned to check on Maria. To her surprise she was gone. She had no idea what came over her, but it was a fear that paralyzed her for a minute. A fear that numbed her entire body. Her eyes just about ready to bulge out of her head. "Margaret," he called. She didn't answer. At the moment he wasn't there to her. All she noticed was that crib. That empty crib in front of her.

"Margaret!"

Snapping out of it, she quickly turned to Hawkeye. His hands firmly gripping her shoulders. His face showing nothing but pure concern. She was trying to catch her breathe as her feeling slowly returned. "Yes?' she breathlessly asked. Hawkeye took his hands off her shoulders and stepped back. "Dad took her down to the kitchen to feed her," Hawkeye said. Margaret just blankly stared at him. "Oh," she said and then stood up. With out any other words, she walked out of the room and turned the corner.

Hawkeye just stood there, still confused. He looked over and rubbed his hand over the railing of the crib. This was too much. He could clearly see that Margaret couldn't handle the situation. He wanted badly to help her, just didn't know how.

Margaret walked into the kitchen to find Daniel warming Maria's formula. Her nerves were calmed. All she had to do was see her. She needed to know. "I didn't wake you did I?" Daniel asked .

"No," she absently answered. She walked over and sat down at the table. "You want me to feed her?" she asked. "Sure," Daniel said looking back from the counter. He grabbed the bottle and headed over to Margaret. He handed Maria over and then the bottle. Margaret sat there staring down at the infant as she fed her. Everything so near and dear to her. Everything she wanted, yet so easy to lose.

Hawkeye stepped into the kitchen and grabbed a cup of coffee. "I'm going to get going now," he said. Walking over towards her, he thought about how protective she was and wondered how concerned he should be. "Bye honey," he said kissing her forehead. She looked up and smiled at him. "Have a good day," she said. He leaned down and softly kissed Maria on the forehead. "And you be good today," he said.

Hawkeye left the room and Margaret just sat there with Maria. The rest of the day went on without her leaving the baby's side. Where ever one was, it was definite that you would find the other. She wouldn't even leave the room when she would put Maria down for a nap. She just had to be there.


	26. Chapter 26

25

Hawkeye came home to his father in the living room reading the news paper. Everything was too quiet for his liking. "Hey," he greeted his dad upon walking over to the chair beside him.

"Hi. How was it today?" he asked without looking up from the paper.

"Fine, nothing happened," he said sounding some what disappointed. They sat in complete silence a second before Hawkeye decided to ask his second question. "Where's Margaret at?" he asked. Daniel just pointed upstairs. "Thanks," Hawkeye said as he got up and left the room.

He got to the top of the stairs and turned the corner into the baby's room. In there he saw Margaret standing over the crib and staring down in the crib as Maria slept. "Hey Margaret," he said watching her. She looked up and smiled. "Hi," she greeted. He walked over to the crib and stood before her. "How long has she been asleep?" he asked looking down at her.

"I don't know, about an hour," Margaret said. He just looked up at her. He was starting to wonder how bad off she really was. There was no problem with watching over your baby, but it did become one what that was all you did. What was going to happen when Maria went to school? Would she follow her to school?

"Hey, uh Margaret?" he asked.

"Yes?" she asked with her attention still on Maria.

"I know this may seem like a weird question, but did you by any chance take a break from baby watching and go to the bathroom once in a while?" he asked. She stared at him for a minute. She was trying to see why he even thought about asking that question. It was ridiculous. Of course she had, she just had Daniel watch Maria for a moment, that's all.

"No, I just started wearing the diapers," she said sarcastically.

Hawkeye rolled his eyes. That was in no way what he was looking for. There was something wrong and he wanted to help. He knew that she would be protective, but she also had to learn that it was okay to go to bed every once in a while. That it was alright to leave the room for a few minutes here and there. He gently laid his hand on her shoulder to get her attention. She turned and looked up at him. "Come on," he said and then started to lead her. "I need to talk to you," he said.

"Okay," Margaret said. "Out in the hall," he said. Margaret got the same look in her eyes that she had a few days ago. The look of utter fear. "We'll be right outside the room. You can even leave the door open if you want," he said. A smile, full of defeat came across her face as she agreed to join him.

They walked out and he stood so that she could still see Maria. He examined her face. Her eyes contained both worry and regret. The only hint of happiness in her face was when she was holding Maria. It seemed as if she had to feel like she was keeping her alive by just being there. Like if she left that Maria would die. He wanted that though out of her head.

"Now, I know that you're going to be protective, and that's good," he paused to see how she was taking it so far. The last thing he wanted to do was get her mad at him to the point where she wasn't talking to him. But she didn't look upset at all. As a matter of fact, she looked interested. "But, you do realize that it has been a few days since you've come home from the hospital," he said. Margaret just nodded in agreement with him. "Well, since then, you haven't left that little baby alone. Margaret you haven't even come to bed," he said. Margaret folded her arms and looked down.

"So I'm a bad mother because I put my daughter above everything else?" she asked getting defensive. Hawkeye could see the hurt in her eyes when he had said that. There was no intention of hurting her, but it happened. That was all there was to anything any more. It just happened.

"That's not what I meant," he argued. Margaret looked up at him with insult and sighed.

"Okay then, what did you mean?" she asked.

"I meant that you have to be able to take care of yourself before you can take care of an infant," he said.

Her expression quickly softened. A sudden realization seemed to settle in her eyes. He wasn't sure of what it was, but there was a weakness in her eyes. A vulnerable state of being. It made him start to rethink what he had just said to her. To think of a new way to put it. He sighed and grabbed her shoulders. Looking her straight in the eyes and started to explain. "Margaret, you are a great mother. Apparently you care, and that's great. But, can you really stay up every night? Can you really carry her around until she's four? Can you take care of her if you let yourself get weak?" he asked. Margaret just stared. What was she supposed to say to that? Answer yes when she knew the answer was no? But if she said no she would be admitting that she was wrong. Now what? She turned her head to the side and stared. For some reason she felt as if she couldn't look any one in the eyes.

"Margaret, is something bothering you?" he asked. Margaret gave him a look that made him feel foolish for even asking that and then looked down.

"I don't think so. I can obviously get through the day," she said. She turned and started to walk into the room. Putting his arm out he blocked her from entering the room.

"Come on Margaret," he said getting more stern. "I know that you were still getting over Serena when you found out that you were pregnant. I know that you still blame yourself for her death. I understand that and I would be worried if you weren't missing her," he explained. Margaret just stared at him with tears forming in her eyes. Hawkeye looked down and gathered his thoughts. Once he was ready, or thought she was ready, he lifted his head back up and looked her straight in the eyes. "I also know that the baby dieing just destroyed you. I know that was the last thing you needed," he said.

Margaret nodded as she tried her hardest to keep the tears from falling. "How could you?" she asked with her voice getting shaky. "How could you? How could you shove that in my face? Don't you think I know that? Don't you think that some where along the line that I might have realized that? Don't you think that maybe the last thing that I needed was to be reminded of all of that? Then you tell me that I am doing my job as a mother wrong? And only after three days?" she asked with her voice getting shaky.

"I'm not shoving anything in your face. Those were my kids to damn it," he said trying not to raise his voice.

"Which gives you all the more reason just to get mad at me. To go ahead and blame for it," she said. Deep down, she really did believe that he would have an excuse to blame her. To get mad at her. She was starting to wonder why he wasn't . Hawkeye shook his head as he took his arm and put it around her.

"No. No it doesn't because I know that you didn't kill her. You didn't walk in there and shove her off the sink. You didn't make sure that she fell off the slide in the first place. I know you didn't set this up Margaret," he said. He himself was getting upset, but decided to hide it for her. "And then the baby. There is absolutely no way that that could be your fault. She would have died no matter what," he said.

There were tears streaming from her face. Everything that had happened within the past year all coming back and hitting her. All finally sinking in. Realizing that nothing was going to change it. Hawkeye pulled her close to him and hugged her. "I'm scared," she said with her voice muffled from his chest. He started rubbing her back.

"I know," he said.

Margaret then pulled herself away and dried her eyes. My whole life has been losing and one more loss," she said unable to finish her sentence.

Hawkeye pulled her back into his arms. "No, you won't loose anything else. What ever happens I'll be here. And so will Maria. I know it's hard for you to believe right now, but she will be. I know she will," he said.


	27. Chapter 27

Maria was now two years old. Margaret and Hawkeye had decided to take her down to visit Alvin. He had not gotten much time with her and they thought that it only fair that they took off a couple of weeks for him to actually spend some time with her.

It was the morning after they had arrived. Margaret came walking down the stairs with Maria in her arms. The little girl poked her head up to look at her new surroundings.

"Ba?" she asked getting excited as they reach the floor. Margaret smiled.

"Yes," she answered. She turned the corner and went into the kitchen. The sun shone through the windows creating a warm glow. Making her way over to the high chair, she noticed that her father had been up since there was already coffee made. She sat Maria down in her high chair and grabbed the pot of coffee. "It's still warm," she said to herself and then got Maria's breakfast ready. It was only seven in the morning but it felt more like five. The previous night had been spent tossing and turning. She and Hawkeye were planning on making a stop at the cemetery. It had been a while, and she had had time to get over Serena's death, but there was always that part of her that would some how remain empty.

"Good morning," Hawkeye said upon entering the room. Margaret turned and smiled as he walked over and kissed her.

"Good morning to you to," she said and then turned her attention back to Maria who was now happily drinking her milk. Hawkeye just watched her for a moment and returned the smile.

"Good morning jellybean," he said looking over Margaret's shoulder at Maria. The little girl squealed. "Da!" Hawkeye just laughed and ruffled her curly hair as he walked past her. Margaret shook her head as she tried to keep from laughing. "Why must you always call her that?"

Hawkeye shrugged as he grabbed the milk from the fridge. "I don't know. Maybe I like jellybeans," he said. Margaret just rolled her eyes as she tried to get the stubborn girl to eat a spoon full of food. "Besides, it's a lot better then the names that you and Frank had for each other," he said. She was about to say something, but decided against it. There was nothing that she could argue.

"Doesn't mean you should go down to his level," Margaret said.

"I thought most people had to be dropped on their heads to even see his level," he said. Margaret started to laugh which caused Maria to laugh. "See, I've got one fan," Hawkeye said pointing down at Maria. "Don't I?" he asked stepping out in front of her which only caused her to laugh even more.

"I think now she's just laughing at you," Margaret said looking up at him.

"Thanks a lot kid," he joked as he walked back around to the table. He sat down and watched as Margaret fed Maria.

"Hello princess," Alvin said walking through the door.

"Hi, where were you?" she asked.

"I went to get the paper and then decided to take a walk," he said. Margaret simply nodded as she took the now emptied dish and set it on the counter. She felt like she was the one that needed the walk.

Hawkeye sat back at the table and watched Alvin. He was waiting to see if he would acknowledge him this time without having to make himself noticeable. He sat there and started to tap his fingers on the table. Anything to get his attention. It didn't work. Margaret glanced over and smirked. Alvin just kept going on with what he was doing. He obviously wasn't going to even look at him. "Dadda!" Maria squealed. Alvin turned and looked over as Hawkeye got up and picked Maria up. He then whispered something in her ear.

"Hi ganpa," she said waving at him. Margaret tried to hide her laughter as watched them. Alvin just looked over and smiled at Maria.

"Hello little angel," he said. Hawkeye stood there and waited to be acknowledged. Of course, he only paid attention to Maria. Hawkeye was just happy that he didn't exclude Maria for being his daughter. He didn't mind himself so much, as a matter of fact it was more like a game to him now.

"Hi Mr. Houlihan," Hawkeye said waving. Alvin looked up at him.

"Oh, hi, Benjamin," he said and then went and got himself a cup of coffee. It always annoyed him when he was called Benjamin, unless if it was by his own father. But every one else either called him Hawkeye or Ben. Then again, he figured that Alvin knew it annoyed him.

"Right back at you Al," Hawkeye said. Margaret cringed. She knew that her father wouldn't like that at all. Alvin closed his eyes and sighed.

"Thanks," he said forcefully and then left the room. Margaret let out a sigh of relief.

"I swear to God if I weren't here he'd kill you," Margaret said.

"Tell him to stop calling me Benjamin," Hawkeye said.

Margaret stifled her laugh. "I've heard your father call you Benjamin," she said.

"That's different. First off, that's my dad. Second, how many times have you actually heard him call me that?" Hawkeye asked. Margaret considered that and nodded in agreement. She then walked over to Hawkeye and put her arms out.

"If you hand her over I'll take her and get her ready for the day," Margaret said. Hawkeye handed her over and smiled at her as they left the room. Maria rested her head on Margaret's shoulder and waved.

"Bye dadda," she said. Hawkeye waved back and then went back and sat down at the table.

A few hours had passed. Margaret stood in her room facing the mirror. A bouquet of daisies lay on her dresser right below the mirror.

"Hey."

Margaret turned around and saw Hawkeye. "Hey," she said with barely any emotion showing through. Even though it had been a couple years, she still hated going back to that grave. Every time she went all she could think about was that last night. The night spent in the hospital waiting. The nurse coming to tell her. Everything. She still slept with that teddy bear. But as much as she hated it, she had to go. She had to go and leave flowers. She had to go to remember.

"You ready?" he asked. Margaret nodded and then grabbed the bouquet. Hawkeye wrapped his arm around her and lead her out of the room. The ride there was spent in silence as Margaret blankly stared down at the flowers.

"We're here," Hawkeye said as the car came to a stop. They both got out and walked over to her grave. They both stood there for a minute and stared down at it.

Margaret sighed and then knelt down before the grave. Hawkeye decided to stand back and let her have her space, like he had done the last couple of times. She carefully set the flowers down.

"You will certainly never be forgotten. But I guess you'll never truly be gone either," Margaret said blankly staring. She then stood up and looked back at Hawkeye who nodded and then put his arm around her as he lead her back to the car.

**I know it's not much of an ending, but was really all I could think of. Let me know what you thought about it. Hope you enjoyed it. **


End file.
